We’re talking brassieres here. Yes, bras for short.

A couple of things have recently come to light (yes, a play on words for you, Ilene). I had been reading an article on lingerie in Lucky Magazine.  My friend Ilene Markowitz-Haddad had posted about a wardrobe malfunction at a photographed family function.  (http://casaweenie.com)  And I had lunch at Central Market South last week and was a little shocked by women’s lack of a firm foundation!   Voila, the subject of this blog was conceived!

Central Market:  I’m eating my lunch in the cafe, and as I look around I see very few women, of any age, who wouldn’t benefit from, and look much younger, wearing  a properly fitted bra!  Since we are all-about-sexy here, let’s take it one step further and make sure that properly-fitted-bra is beautiful!

I wonder if women buy bras they way they buy shoes…in the size they wish they were? I see women all the time with either their toes hanging over the front edge of their sandals, or their heels hanging off of the back of their shoe. What’s up with that? Do you think people are going to judge you, or are you judging yourself, about your shoe size?  If your shoes fit properly, nobody would ever notice.  I remember a friend of my parents who would come to our house for parties. Miss Shirley.  She always wore expensive,  and very stylish shoes, but her feet were painfully crammed into them…just so she could say she wore a much smaller size! 

Did you know that in the original Cinderella the wicked stepsisters cut off their toes to try to fit into that glass slipper???

So, back to the cafe. I saw a lot of women wearing sports-bras as their bra. Those are for under sports clothes, to keep your breasts held in place, and still. A smashed uni-boob isn’t attractive under a blouse or a polo or a baggy t-shirt.  Even large breasts can be supported comfortably, and lust-worthy cleavage can be created with the right bra!

I saw lots of white bra-straps showing. There’s no need for a ‘practical white bra’ anymore. Nude (a nude that matches your skin-tone closely) looks better under a light-colored blouse than a white bra does. Try it for yourself…I tried both a white bra, and a nude bra under a fitted, white blouse. Yup, the nude was invisible!  I bought two nude ones and put the white one in the Goodwill bag as soon as I returned home!) 

I think we all need a nice black bra also, for under our darker clothes. I have been meaning to get one for weeks (since I gave my last one to Goodwill because it gapped at the top) and it’s frustrating (more frustrating than having to go try on bras!) not to have a black bra now that I know how useful they are!

The selection of exquisite bras now available for women with small breasts is mind-blowing! Just do a search for “bras for small breasts” and take a look!  They have become delicate pieces of confectionery that  float against the skin. Pure artistry…these would look beautiful peeking through a sheer blouse. I wish these beautiful bras had been available when I was young, skinny and flat-chested!  Maybe they were….but I didn’t really feel sexy back then, and didn’t look for them. 

The article “Your Ultimate Lingerie Closet” was in the LUCKY Special Edition this fall.  They suggest: a neutral that compliments your skin tone.  A bra with a molded cup for under t-shirts or tight tops to prevent “nippling out.”  A super-sexy set of bra and panties.  And, a camisole. For cleavage they recommend Victoria’s Secret “Bombshell Add-2-cups Bra.” It’s selling points: it has underwire support, adjustable straps that will cross in back, and super-discreet padding. (For push-up bras…I love VS!)

Three brands their staff loved were; Calvin Klein;  because they’re designed to fit under his clingy clothes. Only Hearts;  which they say is the best strapless ever (I must try this one on) because of it’s separation, it’s lightness and it’s comfortable underwire. And last, but not least, Simone Perele;  which they say is an effective minimizer that doesn’t look matronly. Their staff also loved a ‘purply-beige’ called Maquillage by the British brand Bodas, which is supposed to disappear under white or sheer clothing. (I must look for that one, too!)

Since different brands fit differently, take new measurements before you go shopping. Be honest with yourself and the assistant in order to get a perfect fit.  Yes, you must try them on! 

• Be sure the top of the cup lies flat against your skin. If it doesn’t, go down a cup size.
• Be sure the underwire hugs your skin gently. No digging in…if it does, go up a cup size.
• The band should support everything, and your breasts should feel like they are resting on a shelf.
• The straps should feel almost un-noticeable.
• The back band should stay put, and feel comfortable and smooth. No digging in, or riding up.

In regard to the wardrobe malfunction I mentioned earlier….Ilene, I have seen this happen a few times.  It’s always been with a white bra under sheer blouses, or under open-weave sweaters and knits. The flash goes off, and the white bra reflects back bounced light right through the clothing!  And there, for the whole world to see, is your lingerie!  Since the holidays are almost upon us, and family photos will be taken, here’s some advice to avoid this:  choose a bra that closely matches your sheer shirt…or wear a coordinating cami, or your new perfect-for-you-nude bra.

Remember how our mothers always told us to “wear clean underwear when we left the house, just in case….?”  I will add to that, “and a beautiful bra!”

You sexy thing!

XO Donna

Or, is it?

A beautiful friend is turning 60 today. On her Facebook page she posed the question:  “How should one feel?” 

For me, the answer to that is simple…however you CHOOSE to feel!  You can feel OLD, instead of celebrating one more turn around the sun. You can feel like the best is in the PAST, or, like your life just keeps getting better!  You can be GRATEFUL for all the people that you get to LOVE, or focus on what you missed out on. And you can choose to feel EXCITED because your ADVENTURE can either continue, or BEGIN unfolding today!

Speaking of unfolding, I have a new FB friend who created a total make-over for herself  – check out her FB page:  Fabulous Fifties – A New Beginning: Fitness, Health & Beauty.  Every day she posts a great reminder, or a photo of herself, that inspires the hell out of me!  She’s 51 years old, and a stunning example of  the truth that,  “We create our reality with our thoughts.”

Back to my birthday friend…at the end of her post she said, “I feel like I am breaking the rules of old age, so don’t tell anybody!”   I wondered, are there “rules of old age” that nobody ever talks about, but we subconsciously buy into?

• Are they rules such as, “you need to cut your hair short after you turn forty.”
• Rules like, “we all gain weight as we get older.”
• Rules like, “it’s hard to lose weight after fifty” and “it’s hard to get fit after you turn fifty.”
• Rules like, “It’s impossible to start over at sixty.”  In a career. In a relationship. In a new location.

Last year, when I turned 60, was the first time I ever gave a (negative) thought to my age…and then, I almost freaked out! I was shocked by the flood of emotions I found myself carried downstream by!  I must have, unconsciously, bought into those unwritten rules myself!  I needed a lifeline, and searched for inspiration among women who were making a difference in the world by inspiring, leading, teaching, and sharing.  I had heard about her, and finally met Susan Tolles at a luncheon. Do read her FB posts at: Flourish Over 50 or on her website:  http://www.flourishoverfifty.com. 

I realized that if I was going to “brainwashed,” then it should be in a way that served me, rather than held me back.  Time to take responsibility! 

• I realized that the things I couldn’t do physically were not related to my age, but because I had stopped working out 3-4x a week, the way I always had. I can remedy that!
• For a moment, I bought into my boss’s extreme fear of aging, and his view that I was too old, and consequently, of no use to him. There was a fix for that, too…I quit!  I now work where my boss is my age, my experience and uniqueness are valued, and the talented team are open, fun, and respectful. (see birthday cake, above!)
• I had been afraid to show my vulnerability in certain situations…and learned that it is okay to ask for help and support!  When I asked, I received – even more than I could have imagined!
• I acknowledged that I do have good ideas, and I needed to trust myself and follow-up on them!
• This was a big one for me personally – I worry much less about what people think of me.
• And this is a big one for women – comparing ourselves to others. We always compare ourselves to women younger than us, and find ourselves lacking.  One of my best teachers always said, “Compare it only to itself!”  Which means to me, don’t compare. If I see someone, and my first thought is, “I’ll have what she’s having!”  I know what to focus on.

You can take it as an inspiration.  Take it as an inner desire. Take it as a personal challenge. Take it to heart. Allow it to become a goal, then do the work to achieve that goal. What do you desire?  To improve your figure, eat healthier, have fun working out? To change your hair to reflect the inner you? To learn to dress differently, a little sexier? To find a new relationship? A sexy vacation? To speak a romantic language, or two? To become a great cook? To learn to ride a Harley, have a sports car, run a 5K, do bikram yoga?

The good news in all of this, is that at our age we have the wisdom, discipline, experience and maybe even the free time to accomplish our goals! We know the satisfaction of reaching our goals.  Sometimes they make take a little longer… this blog was supposed to be posted on Tuesday, but it was my 61st birthday! I have been celebrating for days, and I am awash with gratitude for all of the wonderful friends who continue to support, encourage and inspire me daily. Whatever it was that swamped me last birthday, it’s long gone. I am looking forward to this next year, and everything it will bring me!

So…is age just a number?  Yes!  While we can’t help getting older, we don’t ever have to get old!  And in the words of my favorite author, Tom Robbins, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”   

XO Donna

(P.S. – My beautiful, delicious, lemon birthday cake was from Walton’s Fancy and Staple on 6th Street in Austin.)

Sexy…some of us struggle with it.  We put our toes in the water and flirt with one extreme, then retreat back into what’s familiar and comfortable. What I know for sure: cute is not sexy, but neither is slutty (at least not in public). What looks attractive on someone who is 30, has a tendency to look ridiculous on a 60-year-old. (fashion designer, Betsey Johnson, left)  The British have an expression that I’ve always loved, used to describe a woman who dresses too young for her age , “Mutton…dressed as lamb.”

I recently read a story where the author spoke of walking behind a woman in a short, floaty miniskirt. Shapely legs,sky-high heels, nice jacket and pretty hair, but when the woman turned around, she could barely hide her surprise at the woman’s age and how inappropriate the whole outfit suddenly seemed in contrast to her lined, and overly-made-up, face!  Her suggestions to be age-appropriate and still very sexy: a slightly lower heel.  Sheer, dark hosiery.  A pencil-skirt.  A more neutral make-up with a striking lip color.   Okay, I can do that!

But…I don’t think this is a “fake it until you make it” scenario. If you aren’t in touch with your “inner goddess,”  you can’t really project it. You’ll be uncomfortable in your clothes, and feel exposed, awkward. I had a dress I used to love, but never wore. I so wanted to be the type of woman who would wear this dress. I finally did wear it out one night, and felt uncomfortable with how tight it was, and how it called so much attention to myself. A lot of it, unwanted male attention! I put it back on it’s hangar and eventually stuffed it in a Goodwill bag.

I did an informal poll among my male friends about what they found sexy about women.  Their opinion: sexy is NOT the clothes, it’s the woman wearing the clothes. It comes from inside the woman, and is projected out. A woman is either sexy, or she’s not.  

Some women seem born with an innate knowledge of how to present themselves in a way that expresses their confidence in their sexiness!  Others, myself included, finally get  in touch with our authentic sexiness as we become older and more confident…and want to learn to express it.  What does ‘sexy’ look like?  We all know it when we see it: In Sophia Loren. In Tina Turner. In Susan Sarandon. In Raquel Welch. In Judy Dench. In Angelica Huston.  In Helen Mirren (right). She’s always chic, daring, and stylish!

Ever since I was young, I have watched old movies and admired the movie stars of the 1940’s through the 1960’s. I believe that Liz, Gina, Sophia, and Catherine (Deneuve, not Hepburn)  all had  looks that embraced their sexuality, were elegant AND chic, and have withstood the test of time!  On them, ‘sexy’ had a simplicity that was balanced with a bit of an edge. Their stunning style was something women dreamed of, almost unobtainable. They were modern goddesses! I think these fashions defined ‘sexy’ from that point forward, and are a great reference for today’s women in their 50’s, 60’s and up.

I chose this photo of Sophia Loren for it’s outright sexiness!   That red dress is perfectly appropriate on any woman of any age, and still stylish. Yes, it absolutely “struts your stuff,” but why not?  Do you think you’re not ready to go that far yet?  Know that it might be a little hit-or-miss as you become more aware and begin to refine YOUR style.  As you awaken to your ‘inner goddess.” As you take charge of your life, stop holding yourself back, and take affirmative action.

• You lose the 5-10 pounds you’ve been complaining about forever.
• You’ve been meaning to walk every-other-day. You’re out the door, faithfully.
• You get your hair-color touched up sooner, so you need never feel bad and always look great when you look in the mirror.
• You get rid of any “granny-panties” and practical bras, and buy beautiful underwear so you look and feel great from the inside–out.
• Treat yourself to some sexy lingerie for date-night or special events.
• Rest when you’re tired. When we put ourselves first, loving and caring for ourselves, we start to blossom. No, it’s not selfish!  Take care of yourself first…so you can take care of others.

Rest assured, sexy knows no type, no hair-style, no skin-color, no nationality. It’s ageless! It’s fearless! It’s vibrantly alive!

Go for it. Stretch yourself. And never, ever, ever, ever give up!

XO Donna O’Klock

A few thoughts on looking good when you feel awful.

When my sisters and I were young and had a flu, sore throat, measles or chickenpox (remember?), after a few days of nursing us (which really meant waiting on us hand-and-foot while still running a large household) my Mom would come into my room with a can of Lysol, a stack of fresh sheets and a clean pair of pajamas.

“Okay, up you go, to the shower. Wash your hair, put on these PJs, and you’ll feel better when you’re done!”  As I dragged myself out of bed and down the hall, I’d hear my bedroom windows being opened, no matter the outside temperature. Then the snap and rustle of sheets being changed and the persistent hiss of the can of Lysol as it sought out each-and-every germ.

She was right, I did feel better when I was finished and had climbed back into bed on my clean sheets!  In my Mom’s book, there wasn’t much that couldn’t be fixed with a shower, some Vick’s, and bowl of fresh chicken soup!

“Where am I going with this?” you ask. I’ve noticed that as we get older we no longer catch everything that’s going around anymore, but we do have times when we catch a ‘bug’ or have to deal with big health issues: surgeries, injuries, chronic illnesses and, at worst, cancer. And generally now, we are responsible for taking care of ourselves.  

I recently learned, all over again, the wisdom of my Mom’s prescription. I had been sick for a while, just couldn’t get myself feeling well, no matter what I did. As this dragged on, I began feeling sorry for myself as I went from the bed to the sofa, and back again, wearing the same crappy, old yoga pants and a baggy  t-shirt that belonged to my sweetheart. I could barely make myself shower,  I told myself I didn’t have the energy.  And each time I passed the bathroom mirror and saw my reflection, I inwardly felt a little sicker, and fretted, and scared myself with my fretting.   Finally, I heard my Mom’s voice saying, “You’ll feel better if…”  What did I have to lose?

I dug around in my dresser for a pretty, orange silk nightgown that I bought years ago for a vacation. Finding it, I dragged my ass into the shower and sitting on the floor of the shower, I bathed, shaved and washed my hair. I worried I wouldn’t have the energy to get back up…but the the prospect of running out of hot water was a great catalyst for doing so!  When finished, I slipped on the nightgown, combed my hair, and found a tube of Burt’s Bees lip gloss for my chapped lips. I’m not saying a miracle occurred, but I finally did feel better.  The image looking back at me in the mirror seemed hopeful. It was as if  the act of cleaning up was an affirmation of my intention to feel well again!

Over the next few days, I purged my drawer of the baggy, well-worn, poor-poor-pitiful-me clothes that were stashed there. I got online and ordered two pair of beautiful, well-cut pajamas worthy of a movie star! You ought to see what is out there…so many chic choices!  By the time they arrived, I was feeling much better, so they were folded and placed in my newly empty drawer.

There was more wisdom than I realized, when I was young, in my Mom’s prescription! 

Treat yourself, don’t wait, do it now! Stock up on some delicious Pacific Natural Organic soups and broths. Clean out your drawers and rid yourself of any “this old rag” lounge-wear.  Order yourself some beautiful pajamas or nightgowns…they’ll all be ready to cheer you up, help you feel better, and announce your intention to recover the next time you’re sick or feeling down. 

Remember… intention is very sexy!

To your good health,

XO Donna

There’s a saying; “write what you know.”  This is where I will start…with hair. I have spent almost 30 years working as a stylist and colorist.

I’m going to assume that since you are here,  you are at least sneaking up on 60.  Hair length has generally become as much of an issue at this point in our lives as hair color, based on how many questions I receive, and how often I see it brought up in magazines. ..”now that I’m older, do I NEED to cut my hair?”  My response is usually a ‘no, but.’

No, but…you must find a hairstyle that flatters your hair texture, your face shape and your lifestyle.  While there’s no need to cut it all off, a pixie can be just as sexy as shoulder-length hair on the right woman!  On the other hand, having your hair long, just for sake of it, and wearing it in a clippy (ugh!) or a ponytail everyday is not sexy! 

As a stylist, I see beautiful, shiny, dimensional color walking out the door every day on women our age!  That’s not necessarily the way it looked when the client walked in….sometimes new clients come in looking more like ‘what the cat dragged in,’ but they always look fabulous as they walk out!

A well-trained stylist, great products, proper education, and an investment in yourself with time, effort and some money can have you looking the best you’ve ever looked!  Can you achieve these same results at home, with a box of color from the drugstore shelf?  No, you can’t, sorry. (see, ‘what the cat dragged in’ above.)  But, if you absolutely MUST color your hair at home, only touch up your roots, and occasionaly run the color through the ends to refresh them!  Yes, it’s difficult. No,  foams aren’t good for this.  And, yes, you must use a good sulfate-free shampoo to preserve your color-treated hair.

This is where sexy begins…with a gorgeous head of well-cared for, lustrous hair that is your perfect shade, in the best cut and style for you. Yes, all of those conditions are necessary to look sexy, and you know it!  Brassy-blond, dried out, frizzy, way too long (witchy), too blonde (stripper) or too dark (grackle black) hair is aging.  That’s worth repeating. It’s all aging!

If you have grandchildren, look at their hair. If not, go sit at a playground and look at the children’s hair. (Don’t do this too long, or too often!). You will notice shine, luster, subtle dimension. These things tend to diminish with age and life changes like hormone loss, illness and medications, incorrect shampoo and conditioners, thermal damage and lack of styling know-how. All of this can make your hair look less-than-sexy. The great news is, all of this can be reversed with the aforementioned effort, some time, and a good relationship with a great stylist. Spend the money on your hair, you’re worth it!

Which begs the next question; what if I choose to go grey?  There’s only one acid-test that I know of…stand in front of your mirror. First thought…do you think you look sexy, and love what you see?  Or, do you think you look old?  You’re the only one you need to thrill. Honestly!  Think you are ready to rock grey hair? Go for it! 

  Since we can’t all have grey hair like the fashion model Kristen McMenamy (left), I have some caveats for grey hair to keep you looking sexy:

•   It must be shiny and healthy.
•   You must have a great hairstyle!
•   Your make-up and wardrobe should be current and in clear, strong colors. 
•   Wearing pastels with grey hair is boring, washed-out looking. 
•   Straggly grey hair looks like an old hippie (we’re going for Boho Chic, it’s different!)        
•  And no make-up, or the wrong make-up with grey hair makes one look out-of-touch, dated.

Put these last three together, and it practically screams, “I gave up!” 

If you’ve done that, send me a note and we will meet for tea and inspiration.  Don’t ever, ever, ever, ever give up!

Here’s looking at you,

XO Donna