…and two steps back. My closet still looks like a bomb went off in it. However, our bathroom is finished, and beautiful! So sexy-assed beautiful that I keep walking in and admiring it. Feeling the cool surface of the marble. I’ve cleared everything except the essentials off of my counters, and even created an arrangement with a Raku vase, dried roses, and a heart-shaped pottery jar in one corner. I love the counters and faucets polished, and I (almost) hate to brush my teeth in the sink because it makes a mess which I then feel compelled to clean and polish immediately. (Oh, come on….like you don’t do this with a new toy, too??)
Am I obsessing a little? You betcha! It’s my way of not dealing with the messy closet that was created in order to create the new bathroom. I made a half-assed attempt to wrangle it back into shape with a trip to Target for new hangers, a jewelry organizer, and some attractive storage boxes. I came home with two out of three; but not finding storage boxes kind of left me hanging (no pun intended!). Truth be told….I finally realized that the mess in the closet is a reflection of how I am feeling right now…but, I’m sure any of you could have told me that. I’m confused, a little bit chaotic. Simultaneously chomping at the bit, and yet holding back. Those boxes of stuff, and piles of clothes, represent parts of me that have hung on a hanger or been in a box for too long, and need to be brought out, and either “added to the rotation,” or released, let go of. Things that are still useful, but just aren’t useful for the ‘me’ that I am now. I know they’ve served their purpose, yet I haven’t found the courage to let go. Oh, yes, I’m still talking about the clothes. Maybe.
Let me tell you one thing I know about myself – at 61 I am still growing and evolving! This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this upheaval, and I doubt it will be the last. And that’s okay…it’s just uncomfortable. (I had an image of a cocoon this morning, and the stress that occurs before the butterfly emerges!) I’ve always gotten through it, and things have always been better than before!
I have been very lucky to have had many inspirational people in my life. Two online presences that I rely on right now are: #1) the always powerful, Danielle LaPorte (www.daniellelaporte.com). This woman is the definition of living large. I mean large in bold print, all caps. LARGE! And #2) Marie Forleo (www.marieforleo.com). A sassy young woman who has a Q & A on Tuesdays that always addresses a relevant issue in a wise, and wise-cracking way! Today’s topic: The feeling of something missing in your life. And having the courage to go for your dreams, take risks, and be willing to look stupid. (Oh, that…I hate that.)
But her pearls of wisdom were exactly what I needed to hear in order to let go of the past, (make sense out of my closet...) and to be willing to “feel the fear, yet do it anyway! ”
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