Love Letter to My Bosses, Redux

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(This was originally posted  in July, 2014. I felt I had to edit and share it again. Thank you for understanding.)

With two very brief exceptions, I have been a hairstylist my whole adult life. I got my licence in 1976 in New York and I find it hard to believe time has gone by so quickly! In all that time as a stylist, I’ve only had three bosses.

Dragon OrchidThe first demanded the very best of us and gave us the very best of everything in return. She provided a state-of-the-art salon and education for us,  both on a professional level, and a personal-growth level.  I owe much of who I’ve become to her. Though we didn’t part on the best of terms, I feel a profound love and gratitude for her strength and vision.  I see that her expectations of me, though grand, were nothing more than she asked of herself, and nothing I couldn’t have lived up to. I told her this a couple years ago, and we are now on good terms.

After her, I rented a studio from a sweet man for almost 14 years…he was kind, affable, and always in a good mood. All he wanted was for us to have a good life, have fun, and respect each other. He would have loved it if we had become one-big-happy-family.  He regularly pointed out how lucky we were to be self-employed stylists, and if you forgot what those reasons were,  he’d gladly recite them. He passed away a couple of years ago…and I am grateful that he knew how much I loved him.

I briefly had my second boss after him. It was not a good fit for either of us, and I left after a year. ‘Nough said.

I have had the good fortune to work part-time for my third boss, Josh, for three years now, although I have known him for many more. He is another salon owner that truly wants his staff to be happy and successful. And for more than twenty years, he and Bella Salon have been a fixture on the Austin scene.

More orchids1The greeting above our front desk: Love All, Serve All says it all.

Josh found out that he had lung cancer shortly after I began. Three years later he is in Hospice care and will pass out of this world any day now.  My heart is breaking as I think about Bella without Josh. He made sure we know everything will be okay, the salon will go on. And he has worked right beside us, surrounded by his clients and his beautiful orchids, until it became impossible to do so.

Last week before he left he stood in the doorway of our room, hands in his pockets, and watched us with our clients. He smiled beatifically, taking it all in, as if to remember every bit of it. His presence there felt like a benediction.

Josh was passionate about hairdressing – so much so that he’d rather be at the salon than almost anywhere else. We should all feel so passionate about what we do! Bella will indeed go on, we are professionals who also love what we do. We will follow Josh’s example, continue what he began, and live up to the credo at our entrance.

Godspeed, my friend. Until we meet again.

XO Donna

What is sexy?

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Captain-Jack-Sparrow-captain-jack-sparrow-4274507-751-1000The problem is not the problem.
The problem
is your attitude about
the problem.
Do you understand?

Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

I can just hear him drunkenly slurring and spraying those lines. I admit it, I am a Johnny Depp fan. I think he’s sexy. And that brings me to the problem at hand, which is that I am trying to quantify “what is sexy.”  It is, after all, the relevant part of the title of my blog, and it’s the major component of the book I am writing, “Sick & Tired…and Sexy.”

Another admission, it’s the part of the book that I have hesitated to write until last, despite being the part of the book I must lead with. I’m sure it’s the part any publisher is going to care about; because who wants to read a book about being sick and tired? Exactly. But a how-to book on being sexy in spite of chronic illness just might grab their attention!

My problematic attitude: I think that sexiness, as a quality, is very difficult to write about. I don’t know if I can get my head around it. I worry that I won’t do such an important topic justice. One thing I see is that because of advertising, our society equates being sexy with desirability and worthiness, but we shouldn’t buy into that. I read a great article by Sam Stempky entitled “Dear sweatpants & hoodies, Thanks for being there for me. Sincerely, Sexy and I know it, but too lazy to show it.” She’s only college-aged and she’s figured out that her value doesn’t change based on how she looks or how “sexy” she currently appears. She has decided that she is worthy all of the time. Now, that’s sexy!

I will get an attitude adjustment, and start with what I know for certain:  Sexiness is a quality that can’t be faked. It’s a blend of attitude, confidence, caring about yourself, and comfort in your own skin, no matter what.
I know sexy when I see it. I also know it when I feel it. And I know when I’m not feelin’ it. I will keep working on this topic over the next few weeks, and invite you all to write me with any insights you have.

Let’s close with this:  “In my opinion, sexiness comes down to three things: chemistry, sense of humor, and treatment of waitstaff at restaurants.”
Rhoda Janzen

I agree,
XO Donna

Frozen…

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Dried podIt seems as if everything is holding it’s breath, frozen. Like the Big Hand in the Sky has hit the pause button. Nothing is moving forward and it’s cold, rainy, and grey. Most of the trees and vines have shed their leaves, and they too have turned an organic grey.

Texans keep complaining that they’re tired of the cold. Newcomers complain that it feels as if they’ve moved to Portland, or Seattle. They were not expecting all of this rain and gloominess. In time they will learn that “winter showers bring wildflowers.”

In Punxsutawney, PA, Phil the Groundhog saw his shadow. For our northern brethren that means six more weeks of winter. Phil was so frustrated he even went to far as to bite the Mayor!
(This is be a great time to remind you to watch “Groundhog Day,” starring Bill Murray and Andie McDowell. Again.)  Down here, Armadillo Bob didn’t see his shadow.  Spring should be here soon. And then gone just as quickly. Then it will become hot, unrelentingly hot.

It’s challenging to have patience when things seem to drag on and on.
It’s challenging to remain optimistic when things aren’t the way you want them to be.
It’s challenging to hold on to your vision and desires, but not hold on too tightly in order to allow for something even better.

DaffsBut, that’s exactly what we must do.

Even now, when I can’t seem to get warm, and feel tired of all the greyness, there are bright red Cardinals flitting among the dead vines on my fence. And there is a cluster of even brighter red berries just beyond that fence. Last week as I walked to work in the cold and rain, I saw the first daffodils coming up.

Winter never lasts. Spring always comes.

XO Donna

 

Watch your language

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This has been rolling around in my head for a long time….

pixgoodIf words have power (they do) and our thoughts create (they do) then we should pay much more attention to both.

I think it’s high time we change our verbiage.  We label almost everything as a war against,  or a fight against, or fight for. We do battle daily. There is a war on drugs, a war on poverty,  a war on women, a war against obesity and a war on crime. We fight heart disease.  We fight illiteracy. We fight cancer.

We casually say we hate most everything. Or we’ll say that something is to die for.
And without a second thought we will say about a headache, or backache,  or allergies, that they are killing me.
As a means of complimenting something we like or envy, we say,I’d kill for it.
Then we wonder why there is so much hatred. So much violence. So much anger and animosity.  But it’s built right into our everyday language. We are “putting it out there” hundreds of times a day!

We don’t even know we are saying it, we have become unconscious. I know that I was, until my therapist pointed it out to me. Then I did two things:

  1. I began to pay attention to all of the times, and all the things, that I said I hated.
  2. I stopped saying it, and began to re-frame my thinking. How else I could express myself?

Let’s find other words to use.
Let’s all pool our creative resources and begin to let our words affect a positive change.
Let’s focus on what we DO WANT, rather than what we don’t.

Let’s CURE illnesses. Let’s INCREASE literacy. Let’s REDUCE poverty and INCREASE income. Let’s create a CUT BACK on crime and a DECREASE in drug dependency. We will FIGURE out food, ENLIGHTEN  education, and all MOVE toward wellness.

I’m sure you get my drift…and can think of others. I’d love to hear them!
Please share your positive thoughts in the comments below, and I will compile them for a blog that YOU wrote.

XO Donna

 

Here’s lookin’ at you

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One of my favorite clients came in last week, and as we caught up, sharing holiday stories and deciding what to do with her hair, she told me about how bad she felt she looked in her family ‘s holiday portrait. After admiring her beautiful family and adorable grandson, we were discussing the offending photo, and she said, “Donna, you have to do a blog about how to pose for family pictures!”

Let me set the stage here…Madame X is a beautiful woman. She’s petite and curvy with the flawless complexion and a head of wavy, lustrous, salt & pepper hair that makes me swoon with envy.

The problem in the photo was just her blouse, and her angle. (She confided that the offending blouse was thrown in the trash!)
Here are my “Five Secrets for a Great Photo Every Time.”  You will never need to worry about a “blackmail photo” ever again!

  1. Choose your outfit wisely. Go for structured, form-fitting clothes to create a shape. A v-neckline is flattering to most women, but, it’s not a game of how-low-can-you-go! I love the always-slimming black or dark royal colors paired with statement jewelry that brings attention to the face.  (Choose your undergarments wisely too, because they shape what you’re wearing.)
  2. Anyone can look slimmer by changing their angle. Facing forward toward the camera is unflattering. This pic from lifehacker.com illustrates how turning at a 45-degree angle is ideal!image
  3. Keep your chin up and slightly forward. A life-statement as well as a pose. It strengthens our jawline, our neck, and keeps us standing tall.
  4. Breathe through your mouth and smile…to keep your face relaxed.
  5. Own it! This moment with your loved ones will never happen just like this again. Stare directly at the camera, put your hand at your hip, elbow bent, and think, “I’m happy to be here.” It will show on your face…as will “I hate having my picture taken!”

I hope the next time you are all together, you will have planned ahead keeping these things in mind for that moment when the cameras come out.

I know you’re going to love the beautiful results!

XO Donna

 

 

 

She’s No Lady

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I admit I have always had an aversion for the word ‘lady’…unless it’s someone’s title. My underlying feeling is that it’s a judgement.

frogWhen I was little, my father used to remind me regularly that I wasn’t acting the way I should (in his mind). Then he’d remind me that my name means “lady” in Italian.  This sermon was usually delivered when I was covered in dirt, being a cowboy (never a cowgirl…they stayed home, minded the ranch and had no shoot-outs or adventures!) or playing with worms or frogs.

Look up “Lady” in the dictionary, and it says “woman”. It also says, “used as a polite or old-fashioned form of reference.” It doesn’t speak to the expectations and implied judgement that accompany the word.

Consider these lyrics, the first by Lyle Lovett and the second by Frank Sinatra.

“The preacher asked her, and she said ‘I do.’ The preacher asked me, and she said, ‘He does, too.’ The preacher said, ‘Son, I now pronounce you 99-to-life. Son she’s no lady, she’s your wife.”

“A lady never leaves her escort. Never get out of my sight. Luck, if you’ve ever been a lady to begin with, Luck be a lady tonight!”

Woman, however, is “an adult human female.” Simply a statement of fact. There are people who might disagree with me if I claimed to be a lady, but none would disagree with the fact that I am a woman.

I think it was Lauren Bacall who said, “The secret to being a woman, is knowing when not to be too much of a lady.” That’s one thing I know well.

I also don’t like using the term girls for a bunch of women. Look up ‘girl’:

  1. A female child
  2. A young immature woman
  3.  Informal (sometimes offensive) “She’s having the girls over for bridge.”

Here’s the challenge as I see it… We, as women, don’t have a casual term for a group of our female friends. Men can say, “Hey, I’m going out with the guys.” What do women usually say? Right.

I’ll admit it, gals doesn’t roll right off my tongue. But I don’t want to diminish any of my friends by calling them girls. And one of the things I value most in my friends is that they aren’t hung-up on being ladies.

I suggest that we quit using the terms ‘Ladies’ and ‘Girls’ when referring to each other. Women act as if they are afraid to climb into that word and embody it. WOMAN. Let yourself be strong. WOMAN. Acknowledge both your wisdom and intuition. WOMAN. Acknowledge your passion. It’s alright.

“It’s the fire in my eyes. And the flash of my teeth. The swing of my waist. And the joy in my feet. I’m a woman, phenomenally.”  Maya Angelou

Go be phenomenal!

XO Donna

 

 

 

Drain Bamage

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We received a casual invitation from a friend to come hear him play at a little cafe out our way. His exact words were, “if you’re not doing anything interesting, and wanna come hear some mediocre music, we will be there from 5:30-7:00. ”

BrainHow could we resist? The band was better than he said and played music everyone enjoyed. On a break, he sat with us and we asked why he was playing bass rather than drums. He said he was learning a new instrument as “brain exercise” and we talked about that.

Old ideas held that you were born with all of your brain cells and aging (and other delightfully bad habits) diminished them. Period. New research shows that we can create new brain cells, and there are three ways to give these new cells the support they need:

  1. Learning new things
  2. Exercising regularly
  3. Our diet

I heard that sigh. But the produce aisle is the one place where the more you eat, the healthier you will be! Just increase your fruit and veggie intake to 5-6 servings a day. Easy. The superstars are:

  • Blueberries, which boost neuron signals and help with memory and cognitive skills (you will be able to recognize and remember your kids when you’re old).
  • Spinach, which just shows that Popeye was right. It builds muscles and your brain, helping avoid confusion and lack of focus.
  • Apples. One a day will keep both the doctor and Alzheimers away.

antioxidantsA study on rats found that those fed a diet rich in spinach, blueberries and strawberries were “able to reverse age-related deficits in neuronal and cognitive function.” (Journal of Neuroscience, 15 Sept. 1999)  If the rats can get younger and smarter, then so can I.

Add to your diet: Wild-caught fish, Walnuts and Flaxseed.  All are excellent sources of Omega-3 fats that are essential to our grey matter and improve memory. Eggs are rich in choline, a B vitamin. Grass-Fed beef  is rich in both zinc and iron which help overall brain health, memory, and concentration. Iron also enhances the distribution of oxygen throughout our bodies.

I generally choose what I eat wisely; nutrient-dense foods with an occasional binge…the 80-20 rule. The cleaner I eat, the better I feel. I became brutally aware of the difference when I fell off the wagon during the holidays.

Eat well. Exercise regularly.  And learn something new.

This trio will avoid any further brain MelBrooksdamage,  and hopefully reverse some of it.  All a boon for keeping us sexy and engaged for a very long time to come.

Then again, should we choose not to bother, we won’t  remember or care anyway.

XO Donna

Warmest Wishes

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I send you my warmest wishes as 2014 draws to a close…

What a treat that this falls on Christmas Day. No matter what you have planned, I hope your day is wonderful and both your belly and your heart are full.

I am grateful for another year of your readership and support.  As Joe Cocker said, “I get by with a little help from my friends.”

Thank you, friends!

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XO Donna

So here it is Christmas…

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To quote John Lennon, “So here it is Christmas, and what have you done? The old year is over, and a new one’s just begun.”

This song touched me the moment I first heard it. It was written by John and Yoko in 1971 as a protest song against the VietNam war, and every year when I hear it I wonder to myself, “What have I done this year? What have I learned? What can I do to help others?”

I’m never sure when making a list (and checking it twice) how long to make it, but since I was the oldest of five girls (yes, five!) I will share my 5 items that I think are both thoughtful and empowering, and that would make fabulous last-minute Christmas or Hanukkah gifts for women on your list.

  1. Big top 10 thingsThe Top Ten Things Dead People Want to Tell You by Mike Dooley.  Mike is a wise, humorous, and even joyful New York Times best-selling author. If you have lost someone, or are facing that process, this book will help you. It certainly helped me get through the recent loss of my younger sister, Terry.
  2. Money love storyMoney, A Love Story by Kate Northrup. The subtitle is: “Untangle your financial woes and create the life you really want,” and that pretty much says it all. I read it this summer and I then put everything in order and still balance my checkbook almost daily! A great read for gals of all ages!
  3. Playing Big by Tara Mohr. Tara is a personal coach, a writer/poet, and a mother. She encourages Big Playing bigevery woman to quit holding back and “find your voice, your mission, your message.” It was named a Best Book of 2014 by Apple’s iBooks and it’s been called, “the how-to manual we have been waiting for.”  I feel very lucky to have an autographed copy, and I can’t wait to dig in to it!
  4. For that someone who has everything: you can donate to Charity:Water www.charitywater.org/  I just watched Marie Forleo interview Scott Harrison, the founder of Charity Water. I sat and cried when he said, “Water can give a woman dignity, at the most human level.”  I donated, and promised to do a fundraiser on my birthday next year.
  5. And saving the gift closest to my heart for last…You can make a donation to The American Cancer Society at- www.cancer.org/donate or to St. Judes www.tg.stjude.org . Give, to help more kids live.

Wishing you all Happy Holidays,

XO Donna

 

TerrytooIn Loving Memory of my sister

 Reverend Theresa Kathleen O’Klock-Glick

September 3, 1953 – November 12, 2014

Holidazed

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grinchThis morning started off as Holiday Hell…and, it wasn’t just me. A close friend called at 8:00 am to share that she was in Holiday Hell, too. “Why is it that I just can’t get in the mood for all of this? I hate Christmas!”

Now she was talking my language. You see, I still work as a hairstylist, and by the time Christmas rolls around our clients all look gorgeous, but we are the exhausted, bedraggled, people you see trying to pull together a dinner while shopping for presents on the afternoon of December 24th. Ho, ho, ho indeed!

We’ve listened to everyone’s plans to travel to exotic places, and to be with their family, (whether they want to or not) and their fears about meeting in-laws, seeing out-laws, ex-husbands, or ex-wives, and blended families, and immersion blender families, out-of-the-teflon-coated-frying-pan….and wait, I’ve segued over to cooking.

MoscowAnd that’s a great place to be, because it’s cold, which always makes me think of snow.  Which makes me think of Dr. Zhivago – the most beautiful, snowy movie of all time…and that leads to Russia, and to making Moscow Mules! Something I’m sure no comrade would ever drink, (put what in the wodka??)) but it’s an icy cold, gingery, sensory experience of a cocktail just the same.

Have all of these ingredients on hand, and when you’re in the throes of Holiday Hell, mix up a batch…and as quickly as you can say Putin, everything will be better!

(Note: this is usually served in a copper mug, which Santa can bring you if you don’t already have a set.  And the following proportions are mine.)

Per drink:

  • One 2 oz. jigger of Vodka
  • 1 oz. of fresh squeezed lime juice (1- 1 1/2 limes)
  • 1/2 oz. of simple syrup (mixed 2 parts sugar to 1 part water)
  • Place in shaker with ice and shake, shake, shake!
  • Pour into copper mug, fill to top with Ginger Beer (try Reed’s)
  • Add a slice of lime. (You can add mint, but I hate it)

 

downloadNow, if you don’t get in the Holiday spirit after a few of these, all you’re going to get in your stocking is a lump of coal. So, cheers!  Say it with me,  nah zda-ROVH-yeh!

XO Donna