Time…is on my side

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image“You don’t take action because you are motivated…you get motivated by taking action.”

I never would have thought that was true, but I learned differently during this move. I had to do so many things I didn’t feel like doing, and it took longer and ran later than I wanted. But I was hustling like my hair was on fire, and “shit got done!”

Have you ever noticed how we can drag our feet on something, but when we finally get in gear, magic happens?

It’s been two weeks since the moving van pulled up in our driveway. We feel more settled, more organized, and we love living in this smaller space!

Large windows and patio doors make for a nice bright inside/outside connection.
Even with all of this rain. A pretty view doesn’t hurt, either. Sitting on our patio in the evenings, a pair of birds I’ve never seen before have come to harass us. I’m thinking Scarlet Tanagers, a male and female.

And the best part is that we can be at any number of cool places within 15 minutes! Yesterday evening on our way to dinner we explored some of the back-roads that lead down to Lake Austin, and I gotta tell ya, it’s as beautiful as any of the roads we’ve ridden anywhere else in the country.

Now that I’m not driving 10+ hours a week, or working on our old house all of the time, I am motivated to finish my book and to start sewing again.

One of the young women I work with laughingly says, “Chillin’ like a villain.”

That’s me, love.
XO Donna

Regarding packing

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Helpful Hint #1 –

Always pack your liquor, and your cocktail glasses last.
We did not. (…it would be more accurate to say that I did not.)

This way you will have them to fortify yourself as you pack everything.
And you will know right where they are when you arrive, bedraggled, at your new place and begin the unpacking.

 

Haiku 4

imageHolding on to things
That are not very useful
Purely ornament

We cling to beauty
When there’s more than enough
If we look outside

It’s a poverty
To feel attached in this way
Let go, pass it on

 

Thank you all for reading. I appreciate each and every one of you ~
XO Donna

 

 

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Moving

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And hating almost every moment of it.

Both of us keep saying, “WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH STUFF?”

 

imageWe started clearing out things early. But not early enough. And we didn’t let go of enough…our small apartment is filled to the brim!

We were still scrambling when the movers arrived. They moved our large items, we have had to move the rest. One week now of carrying boxes up two flights of stairs, working as hard as stevedores.

Today is it. We must be out, the place must be empty and clean.  The new owners move in tomorrow.

I left for work today after digging through boxes to find something, anything, to wear.

Breakfast was a cup of coffee, a banana, a glass of water and a Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate Square with Sea Salt Caramel filling.

Are we both too old for this? Yep. Could we have done this better? You bet.
And that will be another blog as soon as I recover from this.

Thanks for being here.
XO

One step up

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…and two steps back is the title of one of my favorite Bruce Springsteen songs. It falls right after “Tunnel of Love” and just in front of “Hard to be a Saint in the City.”   Lately, when listening to this CD while driving to and from work, I’d get stuck on “One Step Up,” and keep hitting replay.

imageI was struggling with the two steps back. With letting go of all of the beautiful stuff we own. I was having a hard time seeing it as a success, rather than as a failure of some sort…going backwards.
This is America, after all, where we are raised to believe that “he who dies with the most stuff wins!”

We are both grateful that we created and enjoyed all of this stuff, but we’ve realized that it’s a responsibility we don’t want anymore. Houses need constant upkeep, things always break and need repair, things need dusting and polishing. It’s a daily challenge to stave off entropy; the natural decline into disorder. And that’s when you don’t have a storm like the one we had last weekend that took three days to clean-up after.

Maybe success in life comes from realizing, and acting on the fact, that stuff doesn’t set our hearts free.
Maybe that two steps backward that is breaking my heart right now, is actually an “enlightenment” that can continue until I am free at last.

Keepin' up with the Joneses

Keepin’ up with the Joneses

Free to enjoy our friends and the experiences we plan to create. Then free to enjoy all of the wonderful memories.

I am a gypsy at heart. As I keep letting go, I hope to get back to that place from which anything is possible, and everything is happening around the next bend.

XO Donna

The Ghost in the Machine

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…I wonder if there is a ghost in everything we ever own?

Since I can’t bring all of our things as we “right-size” for our new life, I am taking everything we are donating to Top Drawer, a shop where all of the profits serve to support AIDS Services of Austin, and a housing community, and hospice program. I feel really good about this.

Ghost in the Machine by ChrisLoland

Ghost in the Machine by ChrisLoland

And yet I ache over some of the things we are letting go of, even this box of vases.  Perhaps I should conduct a little ritual where I thank the ghost in each of them for their service and beauty, and bless them to be of service to others.  I must also remember to be grateful that I ever had use of them at all.

Always return to gratitude.

Yesterday evening after we helped a woman fit my little bistro set into the back seat of her convertible (I know…but we managed) we walked back to our downstairs patio, and with the exception of one small table, it was completely empty. We both sighed.

Last night as he slept, and I was still wide-awake, I took down all of our art and wrapped it. When the sandman still wouldn’t come calling, I sat to write for a while.

Haiku 2

I pace, sleep eludes me
the art is off the walls now
we erase ourselves

photo by author

photo by author

Intellectually, I knew what we needed to do, and I knew we would, but it was hard to conceive of parting with almost two-thirds of our things. Until just the last day or two I had no glimmer of what the “upside” of all of this was. All I felt was anxious.
I knew our collective dream, but was too absorbed by this process, the change, and the loss to get excited.

Now, I’m excited! The more we let go, the easier it became. It’s like standing on the diving board looking all the way down at the sparkling cold water that awaits you. And you stall…and rationalize…and doubt yourself…and doubt yourself some more…then you just jump!  And you find it wasn’t as horrible as you’d convinced yourself it would be. It wasn’t horrible at all.

XO Donna

 

Anticipation

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We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway…
Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting
by Carly Simon

We are on hold. Waiting for the option period on our home to end tomorrow night, and for an agreement for the sale to proceed. Until then we can’t commit to leasing our new apartment. We can’t commit to our mover in order to get on his schedule. And we don’t want to start packing anything until we know the sale is going to go through.

Tomorrow night we will know, then it’s going to be “balls to the wall!” We have less than one month to get everything scheduled, sell the furniture and art we aren’t bringing with us, distribute what has been promised, pack-up and move.
Sounds like a lot to accomplish, but as I’m sure you know, you can move mountains when you have to!

Pin+Board+bulletin+board+inspirational+images+JWWHglbCvoYlThe dictionary says that anticipation is “the act of looking forward, especially with pleasurable expectation.” That sounds about right to me. Synonyms are: expectancy, excitement, and suspense. Yes, I am feeling all of those things mixed in with everything else.

I’ve put out to the Universe what I would like to have happen by creating a collage of images that represent what I want to experience. There are lots of photos of beaches and lakes. A beautiful motor-home. Togetherness and adventure. Peace and accomplishment.  And pleasure.  (image above not mine)

I look at my poster every day. I am not certain exactly how things will unfold, but I am allowing for them to turn out even better than I can imagine!

XO Donna

Slow down…

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For five months our house was on the market. We probably picked a bad time, putting it on right before all of the holidays: Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and New Year’s, but it’s what we did. Finally, the thing we have waited for has happened.  We have an offer on our house, the inspection is tomorrow, and if we reach an agreement they want the house on May 2. Just five weeks from now.

A dear friend has been joking for months, “Hey, I love ya buddy, but you’re the only one of my friends I’d like to see become homeless!” He meant it as a wish for our house to sell, of course. Now, it feels as if we could become homeless;
the apartment we want isn’t available on the date we need to move.  We could always down-grade, of course. Or we could upgrade to a bigger and pricier unit. Or I could dig into my endless reserves of airy-fairy optimism and just…trust.

roadrunner keysAs I said last week, I haven’t ended up like Wile E. Coyote yet, so why would it happen now? I have always been able to create just exactly what I wanted/needed every other time in my life. And although there have been some sketchy moments (that’s a whole ‘nother post!) they always lead to something even better than I had imagined.

Call it God, Karma,  the Universe, call it “the field of infinite possibility”…I know from experience that when I ask for help, and demonstrate gratitude ahead of time trusting it will show up (and do my part, of course) it does.

I had a decadent lunch with my 90-year-old friend today. A statuesque, vivacious woman, she still works as a motivational public speaker and coach. Yes, at 90! She’s a font of wisdom, experience, and inspiration. When I told her how I was feeling, she reminded me that we often let fear get the best of us. We worry, and in doing so we sell ourselves short, down-grading our desires. Life is too short to play small, she said. Expect BIG!

So, Universe, you’re on notice! I expect everything to work out perfectly. In all of the “hurry-up” we will sell the furniture we need to sell, we will find new homes for the beautiful items we no longer need, and the right apartment will become available to us.

Beep! Beep!

XO Donna

Wabi-sabi, baby!

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Spoon3+Sometimes an idea just pops into my mind for no reason. Wabi-sabi was just such an idea. Perhaps the seed was planted while I was putting away the silverware after dinner and laughed about using the “pancake spoon” for serving okra. The “pancake spoon” is a large, old (60+ years) and wonderfully worn serving spoon that belonged to my sweetheart’s father. It was used only when he made his famous pancakes.

Wabi-sabi  is the appreciation of the beauty found in imperfection and an understanding of the transient nature of things. The concept states: Nothing lasts. Nothing is ever finished. And nothing is perfect. (I am reminded of this every time I get a pedicure and mess up my polish in the first ten minutes. It always makes me laugh at myself for expecting otherwise.)

The meaning of both words has changed over time. Originally they were religious in nature and represented a kind of RyoanJi-Dry_gardendesolation and solitude. They have become more positive over time, and in Japan today they represent the wisdom in natural simplicity.

Wabi refers to the rustic simplicity of a thing, and Sabi to the beauty and peacefulness that comes with aging. Sabi also refers to patina and visible repairs. Asymmetry is also valued, be it natural or man-made. Picture copper that’s weathered to a beautiful verdigris, an old stone wall covered with moss,  Zen gardens with large weathered boulders asymmetrically placed among perfectly groomed pebbles.

Our pancake spoon is more sabi, and while it might look more perfect if it were silver-plated and made new…its sabi would be lost. Understanding these things at a heartfelt level is a giant step toward inner peace.

Raku2

If you look around I’m sure you will find things that represent this ancient concept. While our culture tends to prefer balanced and symmetrical, perfect and shiny and new, you may find that some of the things that are dearest to you, and bring you the most peace, are the things that embody Wabi-sabi.

I have a Raku vase on my bathroom counter, and it wasn’t until today that I realized it’s embodiment of Wabi-sabi. It has a dark, uneven grey finish and a smooth, crackled glaze at the mouth. Inside it, a bouquet of dried roses. Man-made wabi and natural sabi in harmony. Perfectly imperfect…like each of us.

XO Donna

NY State of Mind

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imageI had the overwhelming urge to make a New York cheesecake. Deliciously dense but dry, and not too sweet.  I have rarely had a knock-out cheesecake down here in Austin (with the exception of Patty Townsend’s heavenly one).
But, hey, that’s not what Austin is known for!

All of the hard work is done now, and the cheesecake is cooling in the oven with the door open for another hour. Then it needs to go in the fridge to chill. I hope the kitchen gods smile favorably on me, and it turns out well!

As I gathered what I needed to make the cake, I worried…would my ancient mixer get the job done? I keep thinking about buying a new hand-mixer since the avocado green one I have is from my wedding shower in NY in 1970. It was a gift from my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law, and they are both gone now. Sentimental? Yes. And, although it is older than my grown son, and a bit worn and ugly, I hadn’t been able to throw it out.

imageI was right to worry: it barely made it through two pounds of cream-cheese.  It wouldn’t speed up (couldn’t is more like it) and it smelled like it was going to short-out and catch fire at any moment. “Please, baby, make it through this part, I can do the rest by hand. C’mon, baby, please!”

Looking on Amazon, and I have found a sleek Cuisinart 3-speed, in a Kermit-the-Frog lime green. And it has the new whisk-style beaters.
Maybe I’ll get it as an homage. I wonder if it too will last 44 years?

XO Donna

 

Let go, dammit

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We have noticed that on sunny days people come to see our house. On cold dreary days they do not. So we let up a little bit on the zealous vacuuming and polishing (it’s been especially dreary for winter here in Austin) and wouldn’t you know, a realtor called during my sweetheart’s birthday party and arranged to show the house twice that same day!

We were both feeling excited, even though we try not to be. And we got really excited when the realtor called to show the house to the same client again – she wanted her kids to see it. I was already mentally packing our stuff, then I had a tiny, little, freak-out.

OWLI realized how much I have grown to love this house. Living in the leafy treetops. Looking at our azure pool while writing in the kitchen. Admiring the organic beauty of the chocolate-colored marble we picked for the bathroom vanity. Savoring warm evenings on our patio with friends, or by ourselves, the long white curtains blowing gently in the breeze.

And our owl. He’s been with us for years now. We still haven’t figured out what type of owl he is, although I’ve listened to beaucoup bird-calls trying to find out who says, “Whooo? Who! Who!”  His call is often volleyed from a neighbor’s yard, so we imagine he has a mate.

In the immortal words of Christopher Guest, “How can I leave all this behind?”

Suddenly I was having some doubts. Feeling some fear. Letting-go is a necessary step in order to get to our next adventure…even if we aren’t sure what, exactly, that adventure will look like. I remembered the saying: “When you step off into the unknown, TRUST that you will be given wings to fly, or that a safety net will appear.”

Since I am not splatted on the ground like Wile E. Coyote, I guess it’s been true so far!

The FoolThe realtor brought the buyer and her kids back to see our house, and they spent a long time there. We know because we sat across the street in our car with our lights off, waiting. I wished we had binoculars in the car so that I could spy on them. What was taking so long? Are they rifling through our stuff? Are they offended by our sexy artwork?  Did they get nosy and find ______(fill in the blank) and now they’re judging us? Turns out the kids didn’t like the house, so, no sale.

It’s all just part of the process when you are selling a home. It becomes a commodity, a house being sold, not your home anymore.

So you let go. And let go some more. And then, let go even more.

XO Donna