NY State of Mind

2 Comments

imageI had the overwhelming urge to make a New York cheesecake. Deliciously dense but dry, and not too sweet.  I have rarely had a knock-out cheesecake down here in Austin (with the exception of Patty Townsend’s heavenly one).
But, hey, that’s not what Austin is known for!

All of the hard work is done now, and the cheesecake is cooling in the oven with the door open for another hour. Then it needs to go in the fridge to chill. I hope the kitchen gods smile favorably on me, and it turns out well!

As I gathered what I needed to make the cake, I worried…would my ancient mixer get the job done? I keep thinking about buying a new hand-mixer since the avocado green one I have is from my wedding shower in NY in 1970. It was a gift from my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law, and they are both gone now. Sentimental? Yes. And, although it is older than my grown son, and a bit worn and ugly, I hadn’t been able to throw it out.

imageI was right to worry: it barely made it through two pounds of cream-cheese.  It wouldn’t speed up (couldn’t is more like it) and it smelled like it was going to short-out and catch fire at any moment. “Please, baby, make it through this part, I can do the rest by hand. C’mon, baby, please!”

Looking on Amazon, and I have found a sleek Cuisinart 3-speed, in a Kermit-the-Frog lime green. And it has the new whisk-style beaters.
Maybe I’ll get it as an homage. I wonder if it too will last 44 years?

XO Donna

 

Let go, dammit

4 Comments

We have noticed that on sunny days people come to see our house. On cold dreary days they do not. So we let up a little bit on the zealous vacuuming and polishing (it’s been especially dreary for winter here in Austin) and wouldn’t you know, a realtor called during my sweetheart’s birthday party and arranged to show the house twice that same day!

We were both feeling excited, even though we try not to be. And we got really excited when the realtor called to show the house to the same client again – she wanted her kids to see it. I was already mentally packing our stuff, then I had a tiny, little, freak-out.

OWLI realized how much I have grown to love this house. Living in the leafy treetops. Looking at our azure pool while writing in the kitchen. Admiring the organic beauty of the chocolate-colored marble we picked for the bathroom vanity. Savoring warm evenings on our patio with friends, or by ourselves, the long white curtains blowing gently in the breeze.

And our owl. He’s been with us for years now. We still haven’t figured out what type of owl he is, although I’ve listened to beaucoup bird-calls trying to find out who says, “Whooo? Who! Who!”  His call is often volleyed from a neighbor’s yard, so we imagine he has a mate.

In the immortal words of Christopher Guest, “How can I leave all this behind?”

Suddenly I was having some doubts. Feeling some fear. Letting-go is a necessary step in order to get to our next adventure…even if we aren’t sure what, exactly, that adventure will look like. I remembered the saying: “When you step off into the unknown, TRUST that you will be given wings to fly, or that a safety net will appear.”

Since I am not splatted on the ground like Wile E. Coyote, I guess it’s been true so far!

The FoolThe realtor brought the buyer and her kids back to see our house, and they spent a long time there. We know because we sat across the street in our car with our lights off, waiting. I wished we had binoculars in the car so that I could spy on them. What was taking so long? Are they rifling through our stuff? Are they offended by our sexy artwork?  Did they get nosy and find ______(fill in the blank) and now they’re judging us? Turns out the kids didn’t like the house, so, no sale.

It’s all just part of the process when you are selling a home. It becomes a commodity, a house being sold, not your home anymore.

So you let go. And let go some more. And then, let go even more.

XO Donna

Love Letter to My Bosses, Redux

Leave a comment

(This was originally posted  in July, 2014. I felt I had to edit and share it again. Thank you for understanding.)

With two very brief exceptions, I have been a hairstylist my whole adult life. I got my licence in 1976 in New York and I find it hard to believe time has gone by so quickly! In all that time as a stylist, I’ve only had three bosses.

Dragon OrchidThe first demanded the very best of us and gave us the very best of everything in return. She provided a state-of-the-art salon and education for us,  both on a professional level, and a personal-growth level.  I owe much of who I’ve become to her. Though we didn’t part on the best of terms, I feel a profound love and gratitude for her strength and vision.  I see that her expectations of me, though grand, were nothing more than she asked of herself, and nothing I couldn’t have lived up to. I told her this a couple years ago, and we are now on good terms.

After her, I rented a studio from a sweet man for almost 14 years…he was kind, affable, and always in a good mood. All he wanted was for us to have a good life, have fun, and respect each other. He would have loved it if we had become one-big-happy-family.  He regularly pointed out how lucky we were to be self-employed stylists, and if you forgot what those reasons were,  he’d gladly recite them. He passed away a couple of years ago…and I am grateful that he knew how much I loved him.

I briefly had my second boss after him. It was not a good fit for either of us, and I left after a year. ‘Nough said.

I have had the good fortune to work part-time for my third boss, Josh, for three years now, although I have known him for many more. He is another salon owner that truly wants his staff to be happy and successful. And for more than twenty years, he and Bella Salon have been a fixture on the Austin scene.

More orchids1The greeting above our front desk: Love All, Serve All says it all.

Josh found out that he had lung cancer shortly after I began. Three years later he is in Hospice care and will pass out of this world any day now.  My heart is breaking as I think about Bella without Josh. He made sure we know everything will be okay, the salon will go on. And he has worked right beside us, surrounded by his clients and his beautiful orchids, until it became impossible to do so.

Last week before he left he stood in the doorway of our room, hands in his pockets, and watched us with our clients. He smiled beatifically, taking it all in, as if to remember every bit of it. His presence there felt like a benediction.

Josh was passionate about hairdressing – so much so that he’d rather be at the salon than almost anywhere else. We should all feel so passionate about what we do! Bella will indeed go on, we are professionals who also love what we do. We will follow Josh’s example, continue what he began, and live up to the credo at our entrance.

Godspeed, my friend. Until we meet again.

XO Donna

What is sexy?

4 Comments

Captain-Jack-Sparrow-captain-jack-sparrow-4274507-751-1000The problem is not the problem.
The problem
is your attitude about
the problem.
Do you understand?

Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

I can just hear him drunkenly slurring and spraying those lines. I admit it, I am a Johnny Depp fan. I think he’s sexy. And that brings me to the problem at hand, which is that I am trying to quantify “what is sexy.”  It is, after all, the relevant part of the title of my blog, and it’s the major component of the book I am writing, “Sick & Tired…and Sexy.”

Another admission, it’s the part of the book that I have hesitated to write until last, despite being the part of the book I must lead with. I’m sure it’s the part any publisher is going to care about; because who wants to read a book about being sick and tired? Exactly. But a how-to book on being sexy in spite of chronic illness just might grab their attention!

My problematic attitude: I think that sexiness, as a quality, is very difficult to write about. I don’t know if I can get my head around it. I worry that I won’t do such an important topic justice. One thing I see is that because of advertising, our society equates being sexy with desirability and worthiness, but we shouldn’t buy into that. I read a great article by Sam Stempky entitled “Dear sweatpants & hoodies, Thanks for being there for me. Sincerely, Sexy and I know it, but too lazy to show it.” She’s only college-aged and she’s figured out that her value doesn’t change based on how she looks or how “sexy” she currently appears. She has decided that she is worthy all of the time. Now, that’s sexy!

I will get an attitude adjustment, and start with what I know for certain:  Sexiness is a quality that can’t be faked. It’s a blend of attitude, confidence, caring about yourself, and comfort in your own skin, no matter what.
I know sexy when I see it. I also know it when I feel it. And I know when I’m not feelin’ it. I will keep working on this topic over the next few weeks, and invite you all to write me with any insights you have.

Let’s close with this:  “In my opinion, sexiness comes down to three things: chemistry, sense of humor, and treatment of waitstaff at restaurants.”
Rhoda Janzen

I agree,
XO Donna

Old age…and treachery

2 Comments

Today began with a doctor’s appointment where he pronounced me in “fantastic shape,” and asked me, “How do you do it?” I laughed and responded with part of my favorite David Mamet quote. “Old age and treachery!”

The entire quote is, “Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance.”  Has a ring to it, doesn’t it?
I need to have that printed on a black t-shirt, maybe with a skull-and-crossbones thrown in for good measure!
If you look up ‘treachery’ in the dictionary, it is much more sinister than the jovial nature I’ve always attached to the quote.  It’s definition includes words like Duplicity. Chicanery. Deception. I think politics when I hear those words, not old age!

Maybe it’d be better if it were instead ‘old age and wisdom‘ or ‘old age and experience‘. Either way, the bottom line is never underestimate an older person who is current, aware and involved.

It may still be winter, but it’s sunny and beautiful in Austin this week, and was made all the more beautiful by getting to catch up with loved ones. I had lunch with my son and his girlfriend to celebrate his 44th birthday. Forty-four, wow. We had a great lunch in a cozy bistro and talked about his art show this weekend. Good food, great company!

two heartsAfterwards, I met another friend for tea. We talked about our grown sons, our mother’s china, and baby birds nesting in our ferns. I hated to have to leave…I always feel so calm and peaceful when I am with her. That night I got to talk to another sweet friend living in the mid-west who is getting to go to CA for a much-needed warm up this weekend. I am so happy for her, it’s been a tough winter for northerners!

Today I met a fellow foodie/photographer/blogger at the restaurant North, and we brainstormed for a couple of hours about our blogs, the books we are working on, and re-invention. (It’s not just for Madonna anymore!) Are you in the process of re-invention? From what, to what? Please write and tell me what you’re doing!

I hope you have lots of people in your life that inspire you to keep reinventing yourself. If you don’t, then reach out. Take a class. Start a group. Teach. Learn. Share the love.

Speaking of love…Happy Valentine’s Day to every one of you!
XO Donna

Frozen…

3 Comments

Dried podIt seems as if everything is holding it’s breath, frozen. Like the Big Hand in the Sky has hit the pause button. Nothing is moving forward and it’s cold, rainy, and grey. Most of the trees and vines have shed their leaves, and they too have turned an organic grey.

Texans keep complaining that they’re tired of the cold. Newcomers complain that it feels as if they’ve moved to Portland, or Seattle. They were not expecting all of this rain and gloominess. In time they will learn that “winter showers bring wildflowers.”

In Punxsutawney, PA, Phil the Groundhog saw his shadow. For our northern brethren that means six more weeks of winter. Phil was so frustrated he even went to far as to bite the Mayor!
(This is be a great time to remind you to watch “Groundhog Day,” starring Bill Murray and Andie McDowell. Again.)  Down here, Armadillo Bob didn’t see his shadow.  Spring should be here soon. And then gone just as quickly. Then it will become hot, unrelentingly hot.

It’s challenging to have patience when things seem to drag on and on.
It’s challenging to remain optimistic when things aren’t the way you want them to be.
It’s challenging to hold on to your vision and desires, but not hold on too tightly in order to allow for something even better.

DaffsBut, that’s exactly what we must do.

Even now, when I can’t seem to get warm, and feel tired of all the greyness, there are bright red Cardinals flitting among the dead vines on my fence. And there is a cluster of even brighter red berries just beyond that fence. Last week as I walked to work in the cold and rain, I saw the first daffodils coming up.

Winter never lasts. Spring always comes.

XO Donna

 

Watch your language

6 Comments

This has been rolling around in my head for a long time….

pixgoodIf words have power (they do) and our thoughts create (they do) then we should pay much more attention to both.

I think it’s high time we change our verbiage.  We label almost everything as a war against,  or a fight against, or fight for. We do battle daily. There is a war on drugs, a war on poverty,  a war on women, a war against obesity and a war on crime. We fight heart disease.  We fight illiteracy. We fight cancer.

We casually say we hate most everything. Or we’ll say that something is to die for.
And without a second thought we will say about a headache, or backache,  or allergies, that they are killing me.
As a means of complimenting something we like or envy, we say,I’d kill for it.
Then we wonder why there is so much hatred. So much violence. So much anger and animosity.  But it’s built right into our everyday language. We are “putting it out there” hundreds of times a day!

We don’t even know we are saying it, we have become unconscious. I know that I was, until my therapist pointed it out to me. Then I did two things:

  1. I began to pay attention to all of the times, and all the things, that I said I hated.
  2. I stopped saying it, and began to re-frame my thinking. How else I could express myself?

Let’s find other words to use.
Let’s all pool our creative resources and begin to let our words affect a positive change.
Let’s focus on what we DO WANT, rather than what we don’t.

Let’s CURE illnesses. Let’s INCREASE literacy. Let’s REDUCE poverty and INCREASE income. Let’s create a CUT BACK on crime and a DECREASE in drug dependency. We will FIGURE out food, ENLIGHTEN  education, and all MOVE toward wellness.

I’m sure you get my drift…and can think of others. I’d love to hear them!
Please share your positive thoughts in the comments below, and I will compile them for a blog that YOU wrote.

XO Donna

 

Here’s lookin’ at you

4 Comments

One of my favorite clients came in last week, and as we caught up, sharing holiday stories and deciding what to do with her hair, she told me about how bad she felt she looked in her family ‘s holiday portrait. After admiring her beautiful family and adorable grandson, we were discussing the offending photo, and she said, “Donna, you have to do a blog about how to pose for family pictures!”

Let me set the stage here…Madame X is a beautiful woman. She’s petite and curvy with the flawless complexion and a head of wavy, lustrous, salt & pepper hair that makes me swoon with envy.

The problem in the photo was just her blouse, and her angle. (She confided that the offending blouse was thrown in the trash!)
Here are my “Five Secrets for a Great Photo Every Time.”  You will never need to worry about a “blackmail photo” ever again!

  1. Choose your outfit wisely. Go for structured, form-fitting clothes to create a shape. A v-neckline is flattering to most women, but, it’s not a game of how-low-can-you-go! I love the always-slimming black or dark royal colors paired with statement jewelry that brings attention to the face.  (Choose your undergarments wisely too, because they shape what you’re wearing.)
  2. Anyone can look slimmer by changing their angle. Facing forward toward the camera is unflattering. This pic from lifehacker.com illustrates how turning at a 45-degree angle is ideal!image
  3. Keep your chin up and slightly forward. A life-statement as well as a pose. It strengthens our jawline, our neck, and keeps us standing tall.
  4. Breathe through your mouth and smile…to keep your face relaxed.
  5. Own it! This moment with your loved ones will never happen just like this again. Stare directly at the camera, put your hand at your hip, elbow bent, and think, “I’m happy to be here.” It will show on your face…as will “I hate having my picture taken!”

I hope the next time you are all together, you will have planned ahead keeping these things in mind for that moment when the cameras come out.

I know you’re going to love the beautiful results!

XO Donna

 

 

 

She’s No Lady

4 Comments

I admit I have always had an aversion for the word ‘lady’…unless it’s someone’s title. My underlying feeling is that it’s a judgement.

frogWhen I was little, my father used to remind me regularly that I wasn’t acting the way I should (in his mind). Then he’d remind me that my name means “lady” in Italian.  This sermon was usually delivered when I was covered in dirt, being a cowboy (never a cowgirl…they stayed home, minded the ranch and had no shoot-outs or adventures!) or playing with worms or frogs.

Look up “Lady” in the dictionary, and it says “woman”. It also says, “used as a polite or old-fashioned form of reference.” It doesn’t speak to the expectations and implied judgement that accompany the word.

Consider these lyrics, the first by Lyle Lovett and the second by Frank Sinatra.

“The preacher asked her, and she said ‘I do.’ The preacher asked me, and she said, ‘He does, too.’ The preacher said, ‘Son, I now pronounce you 99-to-life. Son she’s no lady, she’s your wife.”

“A lady never leaves her escort. Never get out of my sight. Luck, if you’ve ever been a lady to begin with, Luck be a lady tonight!”

Woman, however, is “an adult human female.” Simply a statement of fact. There are people who might disagree with me if I claimed to be a lady, but none would disagree with the fact that I am a woman.

I think it was Lauren Bacall who said, “The secret to being a woman, is knowing when not to be too much of a lady.” That’s one thing I know well.

I also don’t like using the term girls for a bunch of women. Look up ‘girl’:

  1. A female child
  2. A young immature woman
  3.  Informal (sometimes offensive) “She’s having the girls over for bridge.”

Here’s the challenge as I see it… We, as women, don’t have a casual term for a group of our female friends. Men can say, “Hey, I’m going out with the guys.” What do women usually say? Right.

I’ll admit it, gals doesn’t roll right off my tongue. But I don’t want to diminish any of my friends by calling them girls. And one of the things I value most in my friends is that they aren’t hung-up on being ladies.

I suggest that we quit using the terms ‘Ladies’ and ‘Girls’ when referring to each other. Women act as if they are afraid to climb into that word and embody it. WOMAN. Let yourself be strong. WOMAN. Acknowledge both your wisdom and intuition. WOMAN. Acknowledge your passion. It’s alright.

“It’s the fire in my eyes. And the flash of my teeth. The swing of my waist. And the joy in my feet. I’m a woman, phenomenally.”  Maya Angelou

Go be phenomenal!

XO Donna

 

 

 

Drain Bamage

4 Comments

We received a casual invitation from a friend to come hear him play at a little cafe out our way. His exact words were, “if you’re not doing anything interesting, and wanna come hear some mediocre music, we will be there from 5:30-7:00. ”

BrainHow could we resist? The band was better than he said and played music everyone enjoyed. On a break, he sat with us and we asked why he was playing bass rather than drums. He said he was learning a new instrument as “brain exercise” and we talked about that.

Old ideas held that you were born with all of your brain cells and aging (and other delightfully bad habits) diminished them. Period. New research shows that we can create new brain cells, and there are three ways to give these new cells the support they need:

  1. Learning new things
  2. Exercising regularly
  3. Our diet

I heard that sigh. But the produce aisle is the one place where the more you eat, the healthier you will be! Just increase your fruit and veggie intake to 5-6 servings a day. Easy. The superstars are:

  • Blueberries, which boost neuron signals and help with memory and cognitive skills (you will be able to recognize and remember your kids when you’re old).
  • Spinach, which just shows that Popeye was right. It builds muscles and your brain, helping avoid confusion and lack of focus.
  • Apples. One a day will keep both the doctor and Alzheimers away.

antioxidantsA study on rats found that those fed a diet rich in spinach, blueberries and strawberries were “able to reverse age-related deficits in neuronal and cognitive function.” (Journal of Neuroscience, 15 Sept. 1999)  If the rats can get younger and smarter, then so can I.

Add to your diet: Wild-caught fish, Walnuts and Flaxseed.  All are excellent sources of Omega-3 fats that are essential to our grey matter and improve memory. Eggs are rich in choline, a B vitamin. Grass-Fed beef  is rich in both zinc and iron which help overall brain health, memory, and concentration. Iron also enhances the distribution of oxygen throughout our bodies.

I generally choose what I eat wisely; nutrient-dense foods with an occasional binge…the 80-20 rule. The cleaner I eat, the better I feel. I became brutally aware of the difference when I fell off the wagon during the holidays.

Eat well. Exercise regularly.  And learn something new.

This trio will avoid any further brain MelBrooksdamage,  and hopefully reverse some of it.  All a boon for keeping us sexy and engaged for a very long time to come.

Then again, should we choose not to bother, we won’t  remember or care anyway.

XO Donna