Three Wishes

Benvenuti's, Norman OK

Benvenuti’s, Norman OK

My first wish was to be in Lincoln, Nebraska visiting my dearest friend and her husband.

We drove up here to make that happen. On our way here we had a great road trip, stayed in a brand-new hotel, and had a delicious dinner in a sexy, little restaurant in Norman, OK.  Who knew, right?

It was some of the best Italian food I’ve tasted in a long time, and better than almost any I’ve had back home in our food-centric city. Sorry, Austin, but I’m spoiled when it comes to Italian food.

My second wish was to experience a white

Although the weather didn’t call for such a thing to happen, we woke up yesterday morning to a fresh blanket of snow covering everything, and it was still coming down. Holly and I drove to dance imageclass yesterday morning wondering if any of her students would show up. A few hardy souls did, and we had a delightful class.  As it turns out, by the time class was over there was more snow and it was both colder and more slippery.

So, we’ve been staying in; cooking, watching movies, playing Cards Against Humanity, and hanging around the fireplace sipping fine bourbon. If this is any indication of what retirement is going to be like – I’m so glad I’ve finally arrived!

XO Donna


Cookies and Cursive

I know it’s been a minute since  schools have taken learning to write in script, or cursive, off the curriculum. Bad idea. The thinking is that kids will all be using keyboards, but that’s not necessarily true.

Fast, legible handwriting is a technology that is universally available to all students. Learning to write in cursive engages the brain and improves development in the areas of language, thinking and memory. It stimulates synchronicity between the left and right hemispheres of our brain. This is absent when printing and typing.

Writing in script reinforces  both meaning and spelling when learning words. College students who wrote in cursive for the essay part of their SAT scored higher than those who printed.

New_American_CursiveComputers won’t teach children to know the difference between what’s  appropriate for a text, or tweet, or how a word is  spelled and used in the real world. Just look at the confusion around “they’re, their and there or you’re, your, and ur.”

And I’m talking about adults now.

A trendy article  lamented a whole year in third grade wasted learning to write in cursive, and the writer’s belief that he will never  need it again. I’m certain there will come a point when those who can write in cursive, and consequently read it, will have more advantages moving forward than those who cannot.

I love receiving a beautiful hand-written note and  I still love to write out holiday cards.  I believe that dispensing with these we lose our connection to others which is forged by the act of thinking about them and writing to them. Will a love-letter on a text-message have the same sensuality, urgency, promise?

We should help the children in our lives work on their cursive and penmanship.  It can be  something we share with them, including  special notebooks and colored pens just for their visits.  We can call it art or lettering. Rather than buying them “things” trying to bond with them, offer them the gift of ourselves, our knowledge and patience.

 

Accompanied by cookies (nut-free, wheat-free, dairy-free, and soy-free since we are all allergic to something these days) and milk (non-dairy; almond, rice, soy, or hemp) we can do this.

Cookies and cursive. Talkin’ about a revolution! Let’s use our guiding hands to teach them long-hand.

XO Donna

 

 


No Fear

I bought Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book, Big Magic, for my birthday last month because #1 – it’s by Liz Gilbert, and #2 – the subtitle fascinated me: Creative Living Beyond Fear.  Is the book just for creative types?  Not necessarily. It’s about living creatively, and her ideas can be successfully applied anywhere,  as I will show.

Our fear has a job to do – keep us alive – and our flight or flight response  is hard-wired into us. But when we don’t have dinosaurs or Zombies chasing us, it’s not helpful to have adrenaline and stress-hormones coursing through our bodies.

These days fear is present in our lives in lots of other ways: career change, divorce, death, retirement, major illnesses, (our own, or that of a loved one) caring for aging parents, imagesometimes caring for our grown kids.

Most of what we fear never comes to pass, and we spent all of that time and mental-space afraid. Ms. Gilbert said in her book, “The less I fight my fear, the less it fights back. If I can relax, fear relaxes too.”  I needed to keep this in mind.

I had another migraine at work last week. They’re tough when I’m working because during the electric-serpent-neon-light-show that accompanies mine, I can’t see well.
Well, to be honest, I can’t actually see at all.  Being candid led to a great conversation with a client about migraines, why/when we get them, and the idea that they could be tied to having “one foot on the gas, and one foot on the brakes.”

She asked, “Did you read Liz Gilbert’s new book?” I told her I had, and enjoyed it very much.  “Remember the part where she used the analogy of going on a road trip? The part about Fear can come along, and it can have a seat in the car, but it doesn’t have a vote,  it can’t touch the radio, and is absolutely forbidden to drive!”

I’m so glad she reminded me, and I thought about that while I sat in a darkened room waiting for the light-show to subside, and my client relaxed with a cup of coffee and a new magazine. I realized that we all have things going on that scare us.  We need to look at our fear, and see what it’s trying to tell us. We can thank it for doing it’s job a little too well.  We can acknowledge it. But we can’t let it run the show.

When I went back to my client Deanna, she asked, “How’s that migraine?”
I smiled as I replied, “Snake ain’t driving!”

Then we finished up her sexy blonde hair and got her ready for her “next phase” college graduation and career change.

XO Donna

 

 

 


Regarding packing

Helpful Hint #1

Always pack your liquor, and your cocktail glasses last.
We did not. (…it would be more accurate to say that I did not.)

This way you will have them to fortify yourself as you pack everything.
And you will know right where they are when you arrive, bedraggled, at your new place and begin the unpacking.

 

Haiku 4

imageHolding on to things
That are not very useful
Purely ornament

We cling to beauty
When there’s more than enough
If we look outside

It’s a poverty
To feel attached in this way
Let go, pass it on

 

Thank you all for reading. I appreciate each and every one of you ~
XO Donna

 

 

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Moving

And hating almost every moment of it.

Both of us keep saying, “WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH STUFF?”

 

imageWe started clearing out things early. But not early enough. And we didn’t let go of enough…our small apartment is filled to the brim!

We were still scrambling when the movers arrived. They moved our large items, we have had to move the rest. One week now of carrying boxes up two flights of stairs, working as hard as stevedores.

Today is it. We must be out, the place must be empty and clean.  The new owners move in tomorrow.

I left for work today after digging through boxes to find something, anything, to wear.

Breakfast was a cup of coffee, a banana, a glass of water and a Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate Square with Sea Salt Caramel filling.

Are we both too old for this? Yep. Could we have done this better? You bet.
And that will be another blog as soon as I recover from this.

Thanks for being here.
XO


One step up

…and two steps back is the title of one of my favorite Bruce Springsteen songs. It falls right after “Tunnel of Love” and just in front of “Hard to be a Saint in the City.”   Lately, when listening to this CD while driving to and from work, I’d get stuck on “One Step Up,” and keep hitting replay.

imageI was struggling with the two steps back. With letting go of all of the beautiful stuff we own. I was having a hard time seeing it as a success, rather than as a failure of some sort…going backwards.
This is America, after all, where we are raised to believe that “he who dies with the most stuff wins!”

We are both grateful that we created and enjoyed all of this stuff, but we’ve realized that it’s a responsibility we don’t want anymore. Houses need constant upkeep, things always break and need repair, things need dusting and polishing. It’s a daily challenge to stave off entropy; the natural decline into disorder. And that’s when you don’t have a storm like the one we had last weekend that took three days to clean-up after.

Maybe success in life comes from realizing, and acting on the fact, that stuff doesn’t set our hearts free.
Maybe that two steps backward that is breaking my heart right now, is actually an “enlightenment” that can continue until I am free at last.

Keepin' up with the Joneses

Keepin’ up with the Joneses

Free to enjoy our friends and the experiences we plan to create. Then free to enjoy all of the wonderful memories.

I am a gypsy at heart. As I keep letting go, I hope to get back to that place from which anything is possible, and everything is happening around the next bend.

XO Donna


The Ghost in the Machine

…I wonder if there is a ghost in everything we ever own?

Since I can’t bring all of our things as we “right-size” for our new life, I am taking everything we are donating to Top Drawer, a shop where all of the profits serve to support AIDS Services of Austin, and a housing community, and hospice program. I feel really good about this.

Ghost in the Machine by ChrisLoland

Ghost in the Machine by ChrisLoland

And yet I ache over some of the things we are letting go of, even this box of vases.  Perhaps I should conduct a little ritual where I thank the ghost in each of them for their service and beauty, and bless them to be of service to others.  I must also remember to be grateful that I ever had use of them at all.

Always return to gratitude.

Yesterday evening after we helped a woman fit my little bistro set into the back seat of her convertible (I know…but we managed) we walked back to our downstairs patio, and with the exception of one small table, it was completely empty. We both sighed.

Last night as he slept, and I was still wide-awake, I took down all of our art and wrapped it. When the sandman still wouldn’t come calling, I sat to write for a while.

Haiku 2

I pace, sleep eludes me
the art is off the walls now
we erase ourselves

photo by author

photo by author

Intellectually, I knew what we needed to do, and I knew we would, but it was hard to conceive of parting with almost two-thirds of our things. Until just the last day or two I had no glimmer of what the “upside” of all of this was. All I felt was anxious.
I knew our collective dream, but was too absorbed by this process, the change, and the loss to get excited.

Now, I’m excited! The more we let go, the easier it became. It’s like standing on the diving board looking all the way down at the sparkling cold water that awaits you. And you stall…and rationalize…and doubt yourself…and doubt yourself some more…then you just jump!  And you find it wasn’t as horrible as you’d convinced yourself it would be. It wasn’t horrible at all.

XO Donna

 


Anticipation

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway…
Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting
by Carly Simon

We are on hold. Waiting for the option period on our home to end tomorrow night, and for an agreement for the sale to proceed. Until then we can’t commit to leasing our new apartment. We can’t commit to our mover in order to get on his schedule. And we don’t want to start packing anything until we know the sale is going to go through.

Tomorrow night we will know, then it’s going to be “balls to the wall!” We have less than one month to get everything scheduled, sell the furniture and art we aren’t bringing with us, distribute what has been promised, pack-up and move.
Sounds like a lot to accomplish, but as I’m sure you know, you can move mountains when you have to!

Pin+Board+bulletin+board+inspirational+images+JWWHglbCvoYlThe dictionary says that anticipation is “the act of looking forward, especially with pleasurable expectation.” That sounds about right to me. Synonyms are: expectancy, excitement, and suspense. Yes, I am feeling all of those things mixed in with everything else.

I’ve put out to the Universe what I would like to have happen by creating a collage of images that represent what I want to experience. There are lots of photos of beaches and lakes. A beautiful motor-home. Togetherness and adventure. Peace and accomplishment.  And pleasure.  (image above not mine)

I look at my poster every day. I am not certain exactly how things will unfold, but I am allowing for them to turn out even better than I can imagine!

XO Donna


Slow down…

For five months our house was on the market. We probably picked a bad time, putting it on right before all of the holidays: Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and New Year’s, but it’s what we did. Finally, the thing we have waited for has happened.  We have an offer on our house, the inspection is tomorrow, and if we reach an agreement they want the house on May 2. Just five weeks from now.

A dear friend has been joking for months, “Hey, I love ya buddy, but you’re the only one of my friends I’d like to see become homeless!” He meant it as a wish for our house to sell, of course. Now, it feels as if we could become homeless;
the apartment we want isn’t available on the date we need to move.  We could always down-grade, of course. Or we could upgrade to a bigger and pricier unit. Or I could dig into my endless reserves of airy-fairy optimism and just…trust.

roadrunner keysAs I said last week, I haven’t ended up like Wile E. Coyote yet, so why would it happen now? I have always been able to create just exactly what I wanted/needed every other time in my life. And although there have been some sketchy moments (that’s a whole ‘nother post!) they always lead to something even better than I had imagined.

Call it God, Karma,  the Universe, call it “the field of infinite possibility”…I know from experience that when I ask for help, and demonstrate gratitude ahead of time trusting it will show up (and do my part, of course) it does.

I had a decadent lunch with my 90-year-old friend today. A statuesque, vivacious woman, she still works as a motivational public speaker and coach. Yes, at 90! She’s a font of wisdom, experience, and inspiration. When I told her how I was feeling, she reminded me that we often let fear get the best of us. We worry, and in doing so we sell ourselves short, down-grading our desires. Life is too short to play small, she said. Expect BIG!

So, Universe, you’re on notice! I expect everything to work out perfectly. In all of the “hurry-up” we will sell the furniture we need to sell, we will find new homes for the beautiful items we no longer need, and the right apartment will become available to us.

Beep! Beep!

XO Donna


Wabi-sabi, baby!

Spoon3+Sometimes an idea just pops into my mind for no reason. Wabi-sabi was just such an idea. Perhaps the seed was planted while I was putting away the silverware after dinner and laughed about using the “pancake spoon” for serving okra. The “pancake spoon” is a large, old (60+ years) and wonderfully worn serving spoon that belonged to my sweetheart’s father. It was used only when he made his famous pancakes.

Wabi-sabi  is the appreciation of the beauty found in imperfection and an understanding of the transient nature of things. The concept states: Nothing lasts. Nothing is ever finished. And nothing is perfect. (I am reminded of this every time I get a pedicure and mess up my polish in the first ten minutes. It always makes me laugh at myself for expecting otherwise.)

The meaning of both words has changed over time. Originally they were religious in nature and represented a kind of RyoanJi-Dry_gardendesolation and solitude. They have become more positive over time, and in Japan today they represent the wisdom in natural simplicity.

Wabi refers to the rustic simplicity of a thing, and Sabi to the beauty and peacefulness that comes with aging. Sabi also refers to patina and visible repairs. Asymmetry is also valued, be it natural or man-made. Picture copper that’s weathered to a beautiful verdigris, an old stone wall covered with moss,  Zen gardens with large weathered boulders asymmetrically placed among perfectly groomed pebbles.

Our pancake spoon is more sabi, and while it might look more perfect if it were silver-plated and made new…its sabi would be lost. Understanding these things at a heartfelt level is a giant step toward inner peace.

Raku2

If you look around I’m sure you will find things that represent this ancient concept. While our culture tends to prefer balanced and symmetrical, perfect and shiny and new, you may find that some of the things that are dearest to you, and bring you the most peace, are the things that embody Wabi-sabi.

I have a Raku vase on my bathroom counter, and it wasn’t until today that I realized it’s embodiment of Wabi-sabi. It has a dark, uneven grey finish and a smooth, crackled glaze at the mouth. Inside it, a bouquet of dried roses. Man-made wabi and natural sabi in harmony. Perfectly imperfect…like each of us.

XO Donna