In my last post I was heading off “into the sunset to rest and relax after getting my son comfortably settled in a nursing home.”

Except, it seems that I put a bow on all of that too soon, and I have been hesitant to talk about everything that happened next, not wanting you to feel sorry for me, or to put our connection at risk by oversharing.

The pressure didn’t let up: the nursing home wasn’t up to speed in dealing with a young person with advanced MS. It took a couple of months, and my constant complaining, to get things under control. This, combined with Jason’s anguish, led to many middle-of-the-night phone calls, and almost daily two-hour-round-trip drives. His friends were there for support, but I found myself always waiting for the other shoe to drop because, ultimately, as his Mom, the onus is on me.

On Easter Sunday we went to visit Jason, then on to dinner with Turk’s family. I felt exhausted and uncomfortable, but it was nice to socialize and relax a little. Unfortunately, my discomfort worsened over the next few days. I thought I was having indigestion-from-hell. I lost my appetite, and I couldn’t sleep unless I was sitting up on the sofa. When my abdomen became swollen, I realized this was beyond stress and indigestion… Turk took me to the ER on April 5th.

The ER cardiologist scooted up to me on a stool, leaned forward and said, “Do you know you’re in congestive heart failure?”

I’m assuming it was a rhetorical question, how would I have know that? “At your last heart exam in November, everything seemed fine, I don’t understand how you got here. What’s been going on?”

Well, you all know the story, but I went through it again with him, and after doing so, we both sat there in silence for a couple of minutes. I added that I felt absolutely broken-hearted. “That’s because you are,” he said. “It’s called takotsubo cardiomyopathy or “broken-heart syndrome.” It’s a real, and fortunately, reversible condition that often mimics a heart attack.

A week in the hospital forced me to rest (as much as one can) and gave the doctors a chance to get a complete picture of what was happening. It also let Jason (and me) see myself as something other than Supermom.
It’s been a difficult adjustment for me since I prided myself on my resilience… maybe too much so. I don’t bounce the way I used to. But, word got out quickly that I was in the hospital and Jason’s friends were all there for him. We got in the habit of a daily check-in where he’s checkin on me, rather than vice-versa.

I slept off-and-on around the clock, someone else cooked all of my meals, and a Nutritionist came to visit and explain my new diet: unfortunately, I’m now on a low-sodium diet. No dairy. No wheat. No alcohol. And now, No salt. Yuck. I’ll figure it out, I love to cook and I love to eat.

The highlight of my stay: I got to see the total eclipse while I was in the hospital!

Turk was visiting, and I was cleared to walk down to the cafeteria with it’s courtyard just outside. We watched as hospital staff went in and out observing the progression of the eclipse. It got so crowded we wondered who was taking care of the patients? When Turk finished his sandwich, we joined everyone outside. Nobody blinked an eye as I stood out there in my flamingo pajamas and slippers!

We were in the “path of totality,” and although it had been cloudy, it cleared in time to see everything. It was exciting to share this rare event with everyone around us. Camaraderie. And cheers when it was over… then, back to work. A reminder to me that there is always something beautiful, somewhere, if you’re open to it.

While these last few months have been challenging, mostly I’m doing well. I haven’t had the attention span to read or write, but I have listened to podcasts. “Wiser Than Me,” with Julia Louis-Dreyfus stands out, and “MeSsy,” Christina Applegate’s podcast is great. I’ve watched some good TV series – I loved “Land of Women” (Terra de Mujeres) on Apple TV, starring Eva Longoria as a socialite-on-the-run in Spain. On Netflix, “Unstable” with Rob Lowe and his son is quirky, but fun. And my sisters and I have formed our own book club – we all like murder mysteries – and our first book is “Mindful of Murder,” by Susan Juby. I’ll let you know.

And we bought an air-fryer, after lots of encouragement from my daughter-in-law. I can easily make odor-free, mess-free, grass-fed burgers and turkey-burgers, pork tenderloin and chicken breasts. Roasted veggies are a cinch, too. Clean-up is easy and it doesn’t heat up the kitchen. Good food, fast, for when you’re tired but want to eat well. Add an easy bagged organic salad and voilà!

So, that’s what’s been going on. Of all the things I pictured in my retirement, this was not one of them… but, as my wonderful mother-in-law used to say, “What can you do?” I guess, “The best you can,” is the answer to that.

XO Donna