We’re talking brassieres here. Yes, bras for short.

A couple of things have recently come to light (yes, a play on words for you, Ilene). I had been reading an article on lingerie in Lucky Magazine.  My friend Ilene Markowitz-Haddad had posted about a wardrobe malfunction at a photographed family function.  (http://casaweenie.com)  And I had lunch at Central Market South last week and was a little shocked by women’s lack of a firm foundation!   Voila, the subject of this blog was conceived!

Central Market:  I’m eating my lunch in the cafe, and as I look around I see very few women, of any age, who wouldn’t benefit from, and look much younger, wearing  a properly fitted bra!  Since we are all-about-sexy here, let’s take it one step further and make sure that properly-fitted-bra is beautiful!

I wonder if women buy bras they way they buy shoes…in the size they wish they were? I see women all the time with either their toes hanging over the front edge of their sandals, or their heels hanging off of the back of their shoe. What’s up with that? Do you think people are going to judge you, or are you judging yourself, about your shoe size?  If your shoes fit properly, nobody would ever notice.  I remember a friend of my parents who would come to our house for parties. Miss Shirley.  She always wore expensive,  and very stylish shoes, but her feet were painfully crammed into them…just so she could say she wore a much smaller size! 

Did you know that in the original Cinderella the wicked stepsisters cut off their toes to try to fit into that glass slipper???

So, back to the cafe. I saw a lot of women wearing sports-bras as their bra. Those are for under sports clothes, to keep your breasts held in place, and still. A smashed uni-boob isn’t attractive under a blouse or a polo or a baggy t-shirt.  Even large breasts can be supported comfortably, and lust-worthy cleavage can be created with the right bra!

I saw lots of white bra-straps showing. There’s no need for a ‘practical white bra’ anymore. Nude (a nude that matches your skin-tone closely) looks better under a light-colored blouse than a white bra does. Try it for yourself…I tried both a white bra, and a nude bra under a fitted, white blouse. Yup, the nude was invisible!  I bought two nude ones and put the white one in the Goodwill bag as soon as I returned home!) 

I think we all need a nice black bra also, for under our darker clothes. I have been meaning to get one for weeks (since I gave my last one to Goodwill because it gapped at the top) and it’s frustrating (more frustrating than having to go try on bras!) not to have a black bra now that I know how useful they are!

The selection of exquisite bras now available for women with small breasts is mind-blowing! Just do a search for “bras for small breasts” and take a look!  They have become delicate pieces of confectionery that  float against the skin. Pure artistry…these would look beautiful peeking through a sheer blouse. I wish these beautiful bras had been available when I was young, skinny and flat-chested!  Maybe they were….but I didn’t really feel sexy back then, and didn’t look for them. 

The article “Your Ultimate Lingerie Closet” was in the LUCKY Special Edition this fall.  They suggest: a neutral that compliments your skin tone.  A bra with a molded cup for under t-shirts or tight tops to prevent “nippling out.”  A super-sexy set of bra and panties.  And, a camisole. For cleavage they recommend Victoria’s Secret “Bombshell Add-2-cups Bra.” It’s selling points: it has underwire support, adjustable straps that will cross in back, and super-discreet padding. (For push-up bras…I love VS!)

Three brands their staff loved were; Calvin Klein;  because they’re designed to fit under his clingy clothes. Only Hearts;  which they say is the best strapless ever (I must try this one on) because of it’s separation, it’s lightness and it’s comfortable underwire. And last, but not least, Simone Perele;  which they say is an effective minimizer that doesn’t look matronly. Their staff also loved a ‘purply-beige’ called Maquillage by the British brand Bodas, which is supposed to disappear under white or sheer clothing. (I must look for that one, too!)

Since different brands fit differently, take new measurements before you go shopping. Be honest with yourself and the assistant in order to get a perfect fit.  Yes, you must try them on! 

• Be sure the top of the cup lies flat against your skin. If it doesn’t, go down a cup size.
• Be sure the underwire hugs your skin gently. No digging in…if it does, go up a cup size.
• The band should support everything, and your breasts should feel like they are resting on a shelf.
• The straps should feel almost un-noticeable.
• The back band should stay put, and feel comfortable and smooth. No digging in, or riding up.

In regard to the wardrobe malfunction I mentioned earlier….Ilene, I have seen this happen a few times.  It’s always been with a white bra under sheer blouses, or under open-weave sweaters and knits. The flash goes off, and the white bra reflects back bounced light right through the clothing!  And there, for the whole world to see, is your lingerie!  Since the holidays are almost upon us, and family photos will be taken, here’s some advice to avoid this:  choose a bra that closely matches your sheer shirt…or wear a coordinating cami, or your new perfect-for-you-nude bra.

Remember how our mothers always told us to “wear clean underwear when we left the house, just in case….?”  I will add to that, “and a beautiful bra!”

You sexy thing!

XO Donna

Or, is it?

A beautiful friend is turning 60 today. On her Facebook page she posed the question:  “How should one feel?” 

For me, the answer to that is simple…however you CHOOSE to feel!  You can feel OLD, instead of celebrating one more turn around the sun. You can feel like the best is in the PAST, or, like your life just keeps getting better!  You can be GRATEFUL for all the people that you get to LOVE, or focus on what you missed out on. And you can choose to feel EXCITED because your ADVENTURE can either continue, or BEGIN unfolding today!

Speaking of unfolding, I have a new FB friend who created a total make-over for herself  – check out her FB page:  Fabulous Fifties – A New Beginning: Fitness, Health & Beauty.  Every day she posts a great reminder, or a photo of herself, that inspires the hell out of me!  She’s 51 years old, and a stunning example of  the truth that,  “We create our reality with our thoughts.”

Back to my birthday friend…at the end of her post she said, “I feel like I am breaking the rules of old age, so don’t tell anybody!”   I wondered, are there “rules of old age” that nobody ever talks about, but we subconsciously buy into?

• Are they rules such as, “you need to cut your hair short after you turn forty.”
• Rules like, “we all gain weight as we get older.”
• Rules like, “it’s hard to lose weight after fifty” and “it’s hard to get fit after you turn fifty.”
• Rules like, “It’s impossible to start over at sixty.”  In a career. In a relationship. In a new location.

Last year, when I turned 60, was the first time I ever gave a (negative) thought to my age…and then, I almost freaked out! I was shocked by the flood of emotions I found myself carried downstream by!  I must have, unconsciously, bought into those unwritten rules myself!  I needed a lifeline, and searched for inspiration among women who were making a difference in the world by inspiring, leading, teaching, and sharing.  I had heard about her, and finally met Susan Tolles at a luncheon. Do read her FB posts at: Flourish Over 50 or on her website:  http://www.flourishoverfifty.com. 

I realized that if I was going to “brainwashed,” then it should be in a way that served me, rather than held me back.  Time to take responsibility! 

• I realized that the things I couldn’t do physically were not related to my age, but because I had stopped working out 3-4x a week, the way I always had. I can remedy that!
• For a moment, I bought into my boss’s extreme fear of aging, and his view that I was too old, and consequently, of no use to him. There was a fix for that, too…I quit!  I now work where my boss is my age, my experience and uniqueness are valued, and the talented team are open, fun, and respectful. (see birthday cake, above!)
• I had been afraid to show my vulnerability in certain situations…and learned that it is okay to ask for help and support!  When I asked, I received – even more than I could have imagined!
• I acknowledged that I do have good ideas, and I needed to trust myself and follow-up on them!
• This was a big one for me personally – I worry much less about what people think of me.
• And this is a big one for women – comparing ourselves to others. We always compare ourselves to women younger than us, and find ourselves lacking.  One of my best teachers always said, “Compare it only to itself!”  Which means to me, don’t compare. If I see someone, and my first thought is, “I’ll have what she’s having!”  I know what to focus on.

You can take it as an inspiration.  Take it as an inner desire. Take it as a personal challenge. Take it to heart. Allow it to become a goal, then do the work to achieve that goal. What do you desire?  To improve your figure, eat healthier, have fun working out? To change your hair to reflect the inner you? To learn to dress differently, a little sexier? To find a new relationship? A sexy vacation? To speak a romantic language, or two? To become a great cook? To learn to ride a Harley, have a sports car, run a 5K, do bikram yoga?

The good news in all of this, is that at our age we have the wisdom, discipline, experience and maybe even the free time to accomplish our goals! We know the satisfaction of reaching our goals.  Sometimes they make take a little longer… this blog was supposed to be posted on Tuesday, but it was my 61st birthday! I have been celebrating for days, and I am awash with gratitude for all of the wonderful friends who continue to support, encourage and inspire me daily. Whatever it was that swamped me last birthday, it’s long gone. I am looking forward to this next year, and everything it will bring me!

So…is age just a number?  Yes!  While we can’t help getting older, we don’t ever have to get old!  And in the words of my favorite author, Tom Robbins, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”   

XO Donna

(P.S. – My beautiful, delicious, lemon birthday cake was from Walton’s Fancy and Staple on 6th Street in Austin.)