What would you do…

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I have a laquered plaque that hangs next to my desk, and it says, “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”  

The freedom contained in that sentence is unimagineable!  Not having to worry about failing…there are many, many things I’d try. I’d write poetry. I’d become fluent in Spanish. Again. And French.  I’d become a whiz at Photoshop. I’d finish the book I’ve started writing.  And  I’d learn to tailor clothes and then sew myself a beautiful tweed skirt…maybe add some soft leather.   And I was told today by a friend’s daughter that I should have an advice column. We jokingly called it, “Good advice with a bad attitude!”  Let’s just say I’m not Miss Manners!

But, I am afaid to try any of those things because I worry that I’ll be lousy at them!  Unfortunately, I am one of “those The Fool people” who feel that if you’re going to do something, you have to do it perfectly. (Of course I realize that there is no such thing as perfection).  I realize too, that we should strive for excellence rather than perfection, but this only lowers the bar a tiny bit, in my opinion.

What’s a person to do when they’re stuck and afraid to make a move? When they are worried they will look foolish?  One thing: take the step! 

This is a Tarot card, and it symbolizes the beginning of the journey through the deck, and through life. The Fool is stepping out on a ledge, taking a risk, going into the unknown.  There will be set-backs and missteps along the way, but as my man, Woody Allen says, “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.”

I had a professional headshot done this week in a move toward innovation.  And it was fun and easy, thank you, Korey Howell!  www.koreyhowellphotography.com   Bolstered by that success, I took it one step further, figured out how to add it to the header, and it’s now displayed above. My journey continues. 

My question to you this week is:  What would you do if you knew you could not fail?   I look forward to your comments.

XO Donna

Attitude of gratitude

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“Gratitude is the single most important ingredient to living a successful and fulfilled life.”  Jack Canfield

Some days are easier than others. I got out of bed this morning later than I should have in order to wake-up “gracefully.”  Instead,  I had to jump up, make the bed, inhale some yogurt and fruit, shower, grab paper-work and be out the door to make an appointment. I called to check that it would be okay to be 10 minutes late. “Yes, come on in,” they said.  After that, I had to hurry to the next appointment. And then stop at the store. Now, two hours worth of driving later, I am finally at home in front of the keyboard and feeling relaxed.  And grateful to be writing.

I have been focusing on gratitude for the last two weeks. A dear friend gave me a book to read, and I have been reading it in between clients at work, and a few pages at bedtime each night. I have been feeling and seeing changes in my life already! 

“Trade your expectation for appreciation and the world changes instantly.”  Tony Robbins

The other thing I have been focused on is “intention.”  Rather than complaining about what you don’t want, or don’t have, pay attention to what you do want in your life.  When you’re taking motorcycle safety classes, they teach you, “Don’t look where you don’t want to go!” I personally like things to be framed in a positive way, so I would restate it as, “Look in the direction you want to go.” On a Harley, things happen fast.  In life it can take a little longer, but if you focus on where you want to go, and what you’d like to create, and have, you will get there.  However, if you are always focusing on what you don’t have, what you don’t want and how you don’t want to feel…you’ll be stuck.  And stuck just ain’t sexy! 

wooden open door“Gratitude opens the doors to the power, the wisdom, the creativity of the Universe. You open the door through gratitude.”    Deepak Chopra

Back to the book I have been reading – it’s an old book, published in 1925.  It is The Complete Works by Frances Scovel Shinn,  a compilation of four of her famous books on the Law of Attraction.  Her thoughts and ideas  have been called “essentioal guides that help readers find prosperity, solve problems and have better health.”  They opened the door for many, many of the self-help and motivational teachers and books that came after her, including some of my favorites: Zig Ziglar, M. Scott Peck, Wayne Dyer, Shakti Gawain, The Dalai Lama, Tony Robbins and a best-selling book on the topic; The Secret.  All teach that we are magnets…and choose what we attract, both consciously and unconsciously. 

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”  Meister Eckhart

Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read my blog. I am so grateful for you!

XO Donna

Everything’s coming up roses

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It’s the middle of summer, and here in Texas, it’s hotter than Hades….although I wonder if that is even remotely possible? 

I’ve learned to do everything early.  I had my coffee, went for a walk (chose to skip out on the BIG hill and back-tracked , rather than climb Mt. Everest after only being awake for 20 minutes. Can you blame me?)  I hand-watered all of the plants,  then trimmed some leggy sage-relative that looks pretty, but smells like cat-pee. Watered my Mexican feather grasses which have spread like beautiful blond hair (very highly-overprocessed blond hair, but still ).  Coffee. Check. Walk. Check. Gardening. Check. Paperwork for the salon. Check.  Now it’s my time. I can write, daydream, read, be inspired, lift weights (still on the agenda for today). 

rose pantsRoses. Oh, I have none. Not in my garden anyway. But I do have a new pair of pants that are rose printed and seem like something from the 60’s!  They are slim, ankle-length, smooth polished-cotton. They beg for a pair of kitten heels, a pointy bra under a close-fitting sweater, and a little chiffon scarf around the neckline.  They won’t get that, but I intend to wear them tonight to a benefit hosted by a young friend, Daniel who is an example of courage, perseverance, and a positive attitude!  Not long after he was injured on Memorial Day 2 years ago, all of his friends (and I can tell you without doubt that Daniel is well-loved !)  got together and threw a benefit to help defray his medical costs. The following year, Daniel threw the bash himself, with a little help from his friends, and “paid it forward,” helping others who were going through what he had gone through!  He is a regular at the Seton Brain & Spine Recovery Center, and a mentor to others at the ICU at University Medical Center Brackenridge.  

Like birds of a feather, flocking together, tonight’s party will have the coolest chefs, mixologists, bakers, candymakers and musicians (RoTel and the Hot Tomatoes) in town! The second “Pay it Forward with Daniel Curtis” benefit  is at the University of Texas AT&T Conference Center and benefits the Lone Star Paralysis Foundation. If you are free at 7:00 pm, come by!  For tickets and donations: www.Lonestarparalysis.org

I will be having a date with my sweetheart, catching up with my BFF, Holly (who is Daniel’s mom) and celebrating Daniel, who reminds me to make the most of what I have, always be grateful, and give, give, give!   I think a pair of rose-printed pants are the perfect reminder that life, like a rose bush, can have some pretty sharp thorns…but the flowers and their delicious perfume make it well worth it!

Pleasure principle

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Pleasure.  I wonder where you went with that word?  From the root word plaisir, ‘to please.’  Among it’s definitions are; An enjoyable sensation or emotion.  Delight. A state of happiness, an amusement or diversion.  We tend to think that pleasure means sex.  But, really, sex means sex. Many don’t place much emphasis on their pleasure…on hard work, on sacrifice, on attainment – yes.  But pleasure, not so much.  Pleasure

That’s too bad, there are so many kinds of pleasure available, and it has so many benefits!  It tells blood vessels to widen and relax, which results in lowered blood pressure. It releases dopamine which increases pleasure (more = more) and motivation. It also releases beta-endorphins which decrease pain,  oxytocin which increases feelings of trust, and vasopressin, which increases bonding.  Think about a great night out, having fun and laughing with good friends – think about how relaxed you are with them, and about the trust and bonding you feel. That’s pleasure for you!  

Now, why wouldn’t we want to feel that more often? Regena Thomashauer, the self-appointed Queen of Pleasure (who is also known as Mama Gena to her avid fans: www.MamaGena’s.com )  did an inspiring TEDx talk where she pointed out that “where we are right now with pleasure…is where we were 40 years ago with fitness!”  She said that most people think of pleasure as “a seedy street in a bad neighborhood that we don’t want to go down.”

We haven’t been taught  “Take care of yourself first, in order to take care of others”  (I challenge you to make this your new mantra).  On the contrary, we have been taught to take care of everyone else first, and as Mama Gena pointed out, “whatever crumbs are left over, those are yours.”  We’ve been taught that this is what a good wife/mother/daughter does.  But c’mon…historically, martyrdom doesn’t end well, does it?  She says: we are hardwired for pleasure as women, and a lack of it results in stress hormones coursing through our bodies producing irritation, disenfranchisement, loneliness and despair. We then reach for junk-food, antidepressants, alcohol, or cigarettes. There is an abundance of self-hatred, self-deprecation and self-doubt among us right now.  Even worse, there are chronic degenerative diseases that occur as a result of a life lacking in pleasure: heart disease (a woman dies of a heart attack every 34 seconds). 1 in 8 women will be affected by breast cancer. 10 million have eating disorders. 1 in 4 women experience depression, but only a few will seek help for it.  That’s just sad. And, if you look up Louise Hay’s life work on causation of illness  you will find she has been saying this for a very long time! 

Woman floatingThere are solutions. Christiane Northrup, M.D. and best-selling author, believes increased nitric oxide is a key. “Most of us don’t produce enough to keep us vibrantly healthy.” To boost it, include a balanced and healthy diet, regular exercise, regular sex, (no, not as opposed to the kinky kind) meditation and simply thinking joyous thoughts!  

Starting points:

  • Learn what gives you pleasure
  • Foster your sexuality
  • Redefine yourself
  • Rewire negative thoughts
  • Live in a way that motivates others to be at their best and healthiest

You have to have a lot of guts to insist on your OWN pleasure, fulfillment and joy, but you’d be foolish not to. Stop doing  everything for everyone else. Teach your children and grandchildren interdependence, not co-dependence. And that brings me back to our mantra:  Take care of yourself first, in order to take care of others.

To your pleasure!

XO Donna

Bed, Sweet Bed

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(I have decided to give you all a ‘sneak preview’ of the book I am writing:  Sick and Tired…and Sexy:  A Guide for Living Beautifully with a Chronic Illness.  Read on, and please feel free to contact me with your compliments and praise…I meant, thoughts and comments.)

Bed, sweet bed.  I love my bed. I love the simple duvet and shams that I bought for it. I love the escape from aches and pains that it affords me. Some mornings all I want to do is crawl right back into it as soon as I get out of the shower! It lures me, like the sirens lured the sailors onto the rocks and to their deaths. And to crawl back into bed would be a kind of death…a giving up, an elimination of any possibility of learning, or creating, or accomplishing anything once I am comfortable nestled back in my bed.

Granted, there are days when you’re not well and staying in bed is certainly the right thing to do. But there are times when it’s better left as a longing that will be satisfied when bedtime arrives. I’ve realized that sleeping more does not equal more energy, anyway. My tiredness won’t be satisfied, so I get up and get moving…and keep moving until bedtime. And to reinforce my determination, I make my bed every single day!  cropped bdrm

I was inspired by a post in the blog “Apartment Therapy,” entitled, “Make your bed!  For productivity, profit and peace.”  I’m a fan of productivity, of profit and especially of peace!  Like many people, the author admitted that they hated making their bed, since they were only going to get back into it later. Reading an article in Charles Duhigg’s “The Power of Habit” changed their mind. It said that making your bed every morning is correlated with better productivity.

How can anything so somple, and so quick (3-5 minutes) make such a difference in your life?  It seems that the act of making your bed is a way of developing a Keystone Habit, and this  type of habit “helps other habits flourish by creating new structures, and establishing cultures where change becomes contagious.” It is, in essence, a catalyst for other good habits. 

Gretchen Rubin, best-selling author and blogger:  ‘The Happiness Project,’ said, “I’ve written about the resolution to make your bed before, and I’m bringing it up again because, to my astonishment, when I’ve asked people what has made a big difference in their happiness, many people cite the modest, ‘make your bed.’

Why does it boost happiness so effectively? First: it’s quick and easy, yet makes a big difference. (When you don’t feel well, quick and easy is good!)  Everything looks neater and more peaceful. And outer order contributes to inner calm.  (Peace)Second: sticking to any resolution – no matter what – brings you satisfaction. When you get up in the morning, still tired, the payoff for making your bed right away may not be obvious, but with practice it will become second nature!

Here are some tips to make making your bed a habit:  Sheets on Line

  1. Simplify your bedding.  Eliminate extra decorative pillows to make it even easier.
  2. Spritz with a nice linen spray to freshen everything.
  3. Time yourself making the bed. Just once. See?
  4. Hate folding fitted sheets? But two flat sheets and make your bed like hotels do!
  5. Treat yourself to new bedding.
  6. And my favorite:  add a vase of fresh flowers to your nightstand.

I believe that making my bed every day has been a great jumping-off point for other small changes in the things I have control over, and those things make me feel better and happier.  Less sick, a bit less tired, and more sexy.  Being greeted by a lovely, neat bedroom has been it’s own reward every time I see it. I hope it offers you the same!

XO Donna

(beautiful image of  sheets from vickersranch.net)

63…is the new black

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I had a late afternoon doctor’s appointment this week, just blocks away from where my dear friend Mike lives. He and I made plans to visit afterwards so I could see some new artwork he had purchased, and go out to dinner together.  

The last time I saw him, he was dissatisfied with the way he was looking (a few pounds overweight, jeans too tight) and feeling (out-of-shape, tired). Not one to blame it on his age, and resign himself to it, he made a decision and stuck with it.  Mike torsoHe began walking to the H.E.B. grocery about a half-mile from his home, rather than driving. He renewed his membership to the gym, works out 6 times a week, (2 of those with a personal trainer)and walks there each morning. He also began to walk at the park at the new Mueller Development.

I was really impressed when Mike opened his front door to greet me! I’ve known him for over 20 years, and he’s always been slim, but buff is a new thing. He’s always been decisive, adventurous and very creative. He makes up his mind, and then does things. He left a job, one year shy of being able to retire, and started his own German-to-English translation business. He decided he wanted to get back into playing the piano, and now has a beautiful piano in his living room where he plays regularly and is doing his own arrangements. And he wanted to learn to make his own cappuccino.

Mike told me that he walks “pretty much every day,” does 150 sit-ups and 100 push-ups. “If I don’t do it now, I crave it. Especially with a sedentary job like my translation business where I sit for hours. I’ve realized that I must get up each hour to get both a physical and mental break.”  Mike makes coffee That includes going into his designated coffee room, complete with an Italian espresso machine that he has mastered, a cozy window seat for himself and/or a guest, and a French door out into his beautiful backyard. An ideal place to relax and refresh your spirit and your mind!  

I am very impressed with Mike’s lifestyle changes:  from inactivity, and not being mindful of what he was eating, to a fit and healthy lifestyle with an emphasis on movement, and a diet based on a variety of fresh, healthful food. He said he is trying all sorts of new fruits that he had never eaten before as he placed a plate of apricots the color of  a Texas sunset on the tray with our cappuccinos.   “Since I’ve been working out, I’m more focused and efficient. I find that my my mind/body connection is improved. If I get stuck on the perfect word for a translation, or the perfect phrasing for a piano arrangement,  I go for a walk, and the answer, the right word, just appears! Maybe it was there, and I was blocking it…but the solution shows up!”  Levi tag

We  joked about  reinventing ourselves at our age. About “60 being the new…40? 50?  What?”  Mike’s answer was, that it’s the new black, and that sounds great to me.  Any age can become an opportunity to create a sexy, healthy, and vibrant life for ourselves.  Oh, and to create a smaller jean size!

XO Donna

“Balls!” said the Queen…

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Attention: Dear Readers, my blog seems to have been hacked. If any words show up highlighted in this post, please do not click on them. I did not intend for them to be links.  Thank you, Donna

Rather than curse around us when we were young, (that hesitancy fell by the wayside as we got older!) my Mom always said, “Balls!”  when something went wrong.  And, although it’s not in my daily repertoire of curse-words, every once in a while I say it, too.  Miss ya, Mom! And that’s what led to today’s blogs.  A useful pair of balls…

The first is this large exercize ball (I have one just like it). It is great for maintaining flexibility (or increasing it, if need be) by draping yourself over it and stretching. You can lie face down and roll forward and back, relaxing around it and getting a release  from your neck all the way down to your hips. Or you can lean back into it and roll up and down, doing supported squats, easing out kinks and strengthening legs, thighs and hip- flexor muscles. I also do sit-ups and practice the plank on mine.

blue fitness ball

Why do this?  Maintaining our balance, strength, and expecially our flexibility, will keep us agile longer. Which keeps us sexier longer – by keepin’ a little wiggle in our walk! Flexibility can help prevent those tumbles we all hear about in older women that result in fractured hips. Both flexibility, and agility, are crucial as we age. We’ve all seen older women who “waddle” along like Weebles, no flexibility in their hips…and it’s preventable. If you can’t bend over and touch your toes…time to get to work on that!  Ball at Desk

I’ve been writing a lot lately – for hours some days – and I’ve found that my ball makes a better seat than my cushy, rolling office chair (which may make it into the next Goodwill drop-off). The ball is great for posture….and lets me wiggle, bounce or rock as I sit here. (When you’re a little bit ADD it certainly helps! And I tend to play music as I write)

Speaking of music, the second thing I have for you is an adorable little ball speaker for an iPhone, but it can be used with any mobile with a sync. My significant other brought it home as a surprise, and I adore this!  It is about the size of a peach, and has a sturdy little suction cup so it can stick to any smooth surface.  We took it out on the patio the other evening, (it was relatively cool for a July night in TX) stuck it to a window, and enjoyed my 007-inspired playlist!  Goldfinger, anyone? 

The volume and clarity were amazing for such a cute little thing that is also very wallet-friendly (Brookstone sells these for $29) Bop speaker.  Charge it fully, throw it in your purse, and when you get where you’re going, play some music that makes you want to dance!

Cha-cha-cha!

XO Donna

Choose yourself

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This will be my first summer, ever, not to wear a bikini. At 61 I’m packing them away and moving into a tankini. Really sad when I have put in the effort to stay fit my whole life…and my skin betrays me!

(To quote an unsympathetic aquaintance, “Quit bitching, I haven’t been able to wear one for 30 years!”   Well, sorry, but did you do the work in order to be able to?)

Now for something completely different: this wonderful poster from www.BadGirlArt.com (on Facebook, too.) Shot of Tequila

To stay on point, I read an article in InStyle magazine where Salma Hayek said, “You’ve got to take who you are and love who you are and do the best you can with what you’ve got. That goes for the figure, and it goes for everything else.”  She wished she could say that whatever effort she makes, she makes for herself.  And that’s the place I always want to come from…I do this for myself. I eat fresh, healthy food, I exercize and drink a lot less than I’d like to in order to feel well, and keep as clear a mind as is possible!

There are still a lot of things I want to do, and I want to have the energy to do them, and look good in the process!  One of my first  food teachers (going back over 20 years ago) told me that if I ate well 75% of the time, I could do what I wanted the other 25%.

People think I don’t eat…or that I deprive myself. Au contraire!   I just eat real, whole, nutritious food and treat myself to things like enchiladas and margaritas about once a week. I pass on pasta, resist rice, skip spaghetti, and I’ve banished bread (love it…allergic to wheat!).  I don’t drink every day (and I don’t know how I survive!). I eat 70% dark chocolate. And I eat and drink tons of fruit and veggies!  I don’t need to diet….good food is it’s own reward!  If  you want to know more about making some changes, check out:  www.marksdailyapple.com for his Primal Lifestyle.  It’s a great reference and inspirational site. 

If my scale goes up a couple of pounds…too many cocktails, chips and dips…I clean up my act for a few days and I’m feeling good as new. Don’t let that 5 lbs. turn into 10, 20, then 30!  (I know I have some men that read this, shout out to you! )  We are in charge of what we do with our life…there’s a lot of lack-of-responsibility going around these days, and there’s not a damned thing that I find sexy about it!  At this point in time, everyone knows what’s good for us and what’s bad. If we aren’t making those choices, then that’s a choice in itself. Be honest. Or -make a different choice -choose yourself!  Beginning today, become the best you that you can be. It’s never too late to start…if you don’t want next year to be just the same as this one! Always next year Remember to live, love and laugh along the way.  And a shot of tequila wouldn’t hurt, either!

Cheers,

XO Donna

You gotta have heart

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It seems as if I were much more courageous when I was younger (or maybe that’s the invincibility that comes with youth) and now that I really don’t have anything to lose and nothing to prove, here comes fear.  How odd. It has probably been there all along, buried beneath the hustle and bustle of living my life, raising a child, working full-time. I always wanted to write, and always stopped myself, until now.  What have you always wanted to do, and still haven’t yet?  beachsand

This morning I gave some advice to an artist who is struggling with feeling “like an impostor/fraud.”  (Women tend to do this to themselves, I’ve often wondered if men do, too?)  She has a good career, but wants to begin a new one, and is just paralyzed with fear over going from a “job” to an artistic career. She thinks all of the respect she’s received from her peers is because they don’t “really know her,” and she feels like she’s bottoming out.

I told her what I try to remember when I have ‘scared the snot out of myself” –

  • There is nowhere to go but up.
  • It’s fear…not reality.
  • Breathe out and keep moving forward, one step at a time.
  • This too shall pass

Like the Cowardly Lion, we just need courage to overcome our fear.  And just like him, it’s in all of us all along!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”   Marianne Williamson

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”   John Lennon

Go be fearless…it’s sexy!

XODonna

…next to godliness

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Some days when I sit down, I’m not sure what I am going to write, but I show up and I am always inspired, divinely or otherwise…

Today, inspiration struck as I was reading Daniell LaPorte’s blog. Don’t know her?  She’s a Fire Starter!  Check her out here: www.daniellelaporte.com.  In a list she posted, this one caught my eye, “For me, clutter-free living is up there with rainbows, front-row seats, and answered prayers.”  She took the words right out of my mouth!  

My father was an interior designer, and as such he valued order, functionality and sensuality. I am his daughter. My mother had been raised, very frugally, on a farm. She always said,  “It doesn’t cost anything but a bar of soap to be clean.”  Well, that, and a little elbow grease!  I am my mother’s daughter, too.  Unfortunately, they both judged people who didn’t share their ideas. The idea they conveyed to us children, was that slovenly people were bad. Sofa...so good! 004

“All places where women are excluded tend toward barbarism: but the moment she is introduced, there come in with her courtesy, cleanliness, sobriety and order. “    Harriet Beecher Stowe

Harriet hadn’t met any of my girlfriends from when I first lived alone;  they loved a great party just as much as the next barbarian!

And this created cognitive dissonance for me – I loved these friends. They were well-educated, philosophical, generous, intelligent people. And, a few were slobs. I had been taught that this was bad…but, they weren’t bad!  It finally occured to me that my parents were out-and-out WRONG!

“Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.”  P.J. O’Rourke

Maybe that’s why I’ve become even neater as time has gone by…I’ve missed my chance at sainthood!   Our contractor was just here doing a spot-check since we are having work done (…more work done) on our house in order to finally sell it…and as he left he complimented us on how clean the house was. (Mostly we give him credit for all of the beautiful work that makes the place such a retreat!)   Standing 6′ 6″ tall, he even noticed that the top of the fridge was clean, and commented on it.  He’s a real straight-shooter that way!  I knew that someday, somehow, for some reason, cleaning the top of the refrigerator (where I can’t see) would pay off!  

My late mother-in-law, whom I loved dearly, had a sign in her kitchen that read, “This house is clean enough to be healthy, and messy enough to be happy!”   And that’s the bottom line…do whatever makes you happy.  Happiness is always sexy!

XODonna