Healthy Hatred

imageI know. I know. That’s an oxymoron, isn’t it?

I heard this term used a couple of days ago referring to the rivalry between two college football teams. Rivalry, yes. Hatred?  Uh, no thank you. And to have the audacity to call hatred “healthy.”

To quote Bugs Bunny, “What a maroon.”

Hatred is never healthy, under any circumstances. Just look at all of the bad stuff that’s going on in the world. Every bit of it is brought to you courtesy of Hatred.Inc.

A long time ago, in therapy, I was challenged to pay attention to how many times a day I said that I “hated” something. It was just simple things, day-to-day stuff.

  • I hated country western music (remember, this was a long time ago)
  • I hated people tailgating me
  • I hated shrieking, out-of-control kids in restaurants
  • I hated it when people spit on sidewalks
  • I hated it when people threw their cigarettes from their cars
  • I hated it when people were texting/lap-topping/applying makeup while driving
  • I hated it when the neighbor let his dog bark all. night. long.
  • I hated it when (fill in the blank)

Her point was that I was doing a lot of hating for someone who wanted more love in her life. And that hatred (even though what I really meant was annoyed) wasn’t a healthy, or constructive, attitude. If you look for things to be annoyed about, you will find yourself mightily annoyed most of the time.

Humans tend to get angry when we are afraid. Rather than sit in that fear, we blame. Blame can lead to hate.  Just like we would with a puppy who wants to chew, or a persistent child who wants to play with an electrical outlet, we need to redirect our mind. Let’s focus on what’s working. Let’s appreciate all that we have. Let’s love the ones we love, and even the ones we don’t.

As my Mom used to say when I was being bratty, “You can catch a lot more flies with honey, Donna.”

I never understood why I’d want to catch flies – but I do understand the power of love to change a bad situation.

Let’s stop hating others based on their religion, their skin color, their sexual orientation, their politics, their income level, their education, or where they come from. Let’s save all of that energy for doing something constructive in our own life, and sharing it with the ones we love.

imageWhile I’m on the subject of love. . .even though I’m retired now, I’d sure love to fix Mr Trump’s hair.

Maybe a trim and a little honey to hold it place??


XO Donna


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