I am waiting for a new friend to come to my house to buy my bike. I have been apprehensive ever since I got the message that she wanted it. You see, it’s one thing to say you are downsizing and need to pass along the things you don’t use, and won’t need. “I will sell my ____(fill in the blank). I don’t use it, haven’t in quite a few years.” And it is another thing entirely to let go of it…and all the memories attached to it. (In spite of getting it tuned-up and putting tires on it that cost more than I’m selling it for). It’s a lovely “heart-chakra-green” city bike. I rode it all over Austin when I was younger and lived right downtown. I had a dear group of friends, and we would meet and ride out to dinner, then to the Posse for a pitcher. We’d head over to LBJ Library and jump curbs, do wheelies, show-off for each other, and work up a sweat! Then we’d head back south across the Congress Ave. bridge just in time to watch the bats fly out to catch their dinner, then we’d all go on to our respective homes. I was in my forties. I was in the best shape of my life. I was fierce, and I was free! Those friends are all still friends – although my BFF Teresa has passed away. Cleaning the bike, I think of her, and wonder what she’d say about my dilemma. Oh, hell, I know exactly what she’d say! She’d tell me, “Awwww, go on. It’s just a bike. You don’t need a city bike anymore. What you need is a cruiser. With a basket. And a horn. And streamers on the handle-bars!”
Teresa was like that. Always in the moment. And the next one. And the next one. Sunny arrived to pick up the bike. To celebrate, I opened a bottle of wine for us. Two hours later, I am in love with Sunny! I know both the bike, and everything it represents to me, will be honored. Sunny is an amazing woman…and although I’m losing a bike, I’m gaining a sister! We will downsize and get down to the “beautiful basics” in order to sell our home and move forward. I will strive to stay present every time I feel my breath catch and think that I can’t let something go. (Ultimately, I can’t take any of it with me when I leave this plane, right?) Did I say how difficult this is???? I will remember why I am doing this, what the trade-off is: I will feel free again! XO Donna