Love and Loss

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All writers eventually get around to tackling the BIG topics….love and loss being two of the biggest.

Our Keurig died today. 

After 6 weeks of having the closest thing to an in-home barista at my beck and call, our Keurig acted-up (so much better than acting-out!) yesterday, but my sweetheart was able to beat the…jiggle it sufficiently, so that whatever was clogging whichever doohickey came loose and, voila!  We had our morning coffee.

This morning,  it acted-up again, made us each a cuppa, and with a sigh,  gave up the ghost!Keurig

We bought this machine because it was supposed to be the bomb!  Our friends were coming to visit over Christmas, and they have one at their home, (which we loved when we were there last year).  Seemed a hassle-free way to have coffee-on-demand,  and for six blissful weeks, it was.

What we have since found out, is that our friends have replaced theirs more than once in the three years they’ve had it!  Upon being deprived of his second cup of coffee this morning, my darling called the customer service helpline at Keuring.  They listened kindly and told him they’d ship us a new machine immediately.  All we had to do was “throw the old one out!”  Simple, no?

Do I really need to tell you how much I hate the idea of littering up our planet with plastic crap? Computers, keyboards, plastic bags, gallon jugs,  plastic toys, disposable diapers, and now fancy coffee machines!  Not sexy. Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!

I guess I was only going to talk about love, (how much I loved the coffee machine) and loss (it’s death this morning).   Why not throw in some anger, frustration and despair?  All of this over an inanimate object. How silly we are.

According to the customer service rep, we will have a new coffee machine in no time at all!  Can you imagine the cost to them of having to ship free Keurigs to purchasers every 6 weeks? 

I had lobbied for a new stainless kettle and a larger French Press before we bought this, but my man love gadgets, and (I admit) I was quickly won over.

coffee beansTomorrow morning I will be boiling water in a saucepan, and pouring it over coffee grounds in my small, one-serving French Press.  We still have some whole beans in the pantry. I just hope we didn’t throw the coffee grinder away!

XODonna

What did you love?

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“We take what we love…and try to find a way to make money at it.  Twist it and turn it until we can’t find a trace of whatever we once loved.  What did you love?”    from the movie, “Hope Floats”

I’ve been thinking about this a lot since I saw the movie again last week.  One thing has been a constant love throughout my whole life has been my love of fashion magazines!  Of course I look through them, admiring the models that look completely unlike me, lusting over the clothes I know I won’t have, and the shoes I know would kill my feet, and the long, wonderful hair that could only happen in a wig, for me. But I realize that they aren’t about reality. They are dream sequences created by teams of artists, and meant to sell products, of course!  But, they are visually arresting, and also meant to inspire us!  To try something new. Express ourselves a little more. Have some fun!

Maybe you think it’s all vain, shallow, materialistic. Yes, maybe on some level it is – but humans are visual creatures. I think it’s vain and shallow when you focus on looks, and things, to the exclusion of everything else: character, values, intelligence, empathy, generousity or kindness.

Everyone, everywhere in the world, is affected by how things look.  I’m always inspired by the beauty in animals. In flowers. In nature. From our imagination. In art.  Aren’t you?  So why not be inspired by a beautiful fabric, or exquisite new shade of lipstick?  Or a perfect new detail in a shoe or purse that speaks to you?  Is this not art?butterfly

If  you feel uplifted, and more able to meet your daily challenges,  maybe (just maybe) because you feel like you can do anything today, you give a little bit more of yourself to the world. And that could be the flapping of the butterfly’s wings that will start the whole ocean-swell of kindness, or generousity, or an idea or charity that will change the world!

How we feel does color our reality. You can take that to the bank!  If a new lipstick, a beautiful pair of shoes, a new bra, or mastering the proportions of a Ramos Gin Fizz expands your horizons, increases your confidence, and improves your outlook on life, then critics be damned!

Do something wonderful for yourself. Sit down and read a fashion magazine for inspiration (buy a foreign Vogue, they have the most amazing photography and I’m never distracted by the words, since I can’t understand them!). Set a goal to tackle a new recipe this week. Find 6 reasons to feel great about yourself, and write them down. Think about what you once loved…and find a way to bring some of that back into your life.

Here’s a favorite recipe of mine to try:  The Ramos Gin Fizz  from ‘Garden and Gun Magazine’

  • 1 1/2 ounces gin
  • 1 ounce simple syrup (1:1 ratio)
  • 1/2 ounce fresh-squeezed lemon juice
  • 1/2 ounce fresh-squeezed lime juice
  • 1 egg white (pasteurized)
  • 1 ounce heavy cream
  • 3-4 drops orange flower water
  • 1 ounce chilled club soda

In a shaker, combine ingredients, except the club soda. Shake briskly to combine. Add ice cubes and shake again for at least 2 minutes. Really! This creates the drink’s silky texture. Pour into a tapered flute or a wine glass, top with the club soda, stir and serve.  This cocktail is the definition of sexy!      

XODonna

Tabula rasa

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While looking for something else, I found some photos I took almost three years ago that are a reminder of my journey to who I am today. That winter, I was having a hard time. Nothing – not my job, my relationship, or my health – was working, and I just couldn’t  “push the river”  any more. I was completely out of energy, and ideas…and the river was steadfast, unyeilding.  highway

I called a dear friend, crying, and told her what was going on…vaguely, loosely, not wanting to really say the words. I’m sure she read between the lines, she’s very wise that way. A few days later, I was at the airport nearest her home, where she hugged me, looked me in the eyes, and summing up the situation, took me to a cozy restaurant for lunch.

Afterwards, we drove out of the city and through the desert to her home in the hills. I remember now that another friend of hers joined us that night for dinner. We had wine and home-made pizzas as we watched “Precious.”  When I awoke the next morning, it had snowed, and the  leaden grey sky warned of more to come. Steeple in SnowThe whiteness everywhere seemed to clear my head by uncluttering my visual field. It made everything fresh. Tabula rasa.

One of the things I enjoy about being older, is that you learn how to be present for friends. You don’t just talk in order to fill the space and try to fix everything. You let their answers come. You hold the space for them. You don’t just tell them, “everything is going to be alright,” because you know by now that you don’t know that to be the case.  Instead, you tell your friend that they will be alright…because you do know that to be the case. No matter what happens, they will get through it. You’ve got their back.

My friend held the space for me, she fed me well, and beautifully…her gift to meGrapefruit while I sorted through everything. We bundled up, and walked and talked in the arroyos as much as the weather allowed.  She listened, and kept listening, as I realized that it was easy for me to walk away, and call it change. The time had finally come for me to stay put…and change myself. The hardest thing of all to do. I needed to make a decision to go toward something, rather than away from everything.  And I had to stop saying, “that I had faith that the right thing would show up,”  in order to compensate for my lack of plan, lack of direction, lack of desire.

I came back from our visit in the desert, honored to have been received as a valued friend-in-need. I came back having made a decision, and had set a goal and a timeline for accomplishing it. The wide-open space of the desert imparted onto me it’s quite strength, and a resolve that I’d felt only infrequently. A strength that allowed me to face my fear. A strength that my friend modeled for me while I was with her.  Maybe that’s why she loves living out there…I can completely understand that!  The changes I wanted to create have happened, are happening even now. They have been harder than I imagined, but they’ve also been even more rewarding than I could have imagined!

Not everyone can have DDs…

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Only because they are not available yet. But, they are coming, right after the CCs get here! 

“Donna, what are you talking about?” you’re asking right about now. “Surely, not boobs…”

No, not boobs!  I’m talking about DD Creams – brand-new daily defense creams designed for the feet and body. They have a heavy-duty texture and reparative properties….perfect for our dry climate (except that today it’s finally raining in Texas again. Hallelujah!)  I’ve been reading about them, but can’t find any available online yet.chanel cc cream

I learned about them as I was researching CC Creams.  These are Color Control Creams: a skin-care/makeup hybrid that are even lighter in texture and feel than BB creams, and also offer more skin benefits such as;  improving discoloration, being more suitable for oilier skins (not that many of us have that problem as we get a bit older!) having brighteners, spot-diminishers, Asian healing botanicals (green tea, white tea, etc.) and ‘epidermal growth factor’ to stimulate collagen production. The Chanel Color Correction Complete is supposed to be “The Holy Grail of CC creams,” according to www.Totalbeauty.com.  But unless you have a friend who travels to Asia, it’s unavailable in the states for now.  The original CC cream is Rachel K Mineral Color Control, a best-seller in Asia, with an SPF 35, available in two shades, but only on her website. The cost: $39.00 USD.

The first-on-the-shelves here in the States is Olay Total Effects CC Tone Correcting UV Moisturizer available in drugstores for $21.00. It brightens the skin, while providing minimalcc%20cream%20for%20dark%20skin_265x265 coverage and comes in three  shades to work for everyone. It also provides all-day moisturizing, improves discolorations, has essential glucosamine complex and is anti-aging. For those of you who want to look polished and to protect your skin, yet don’t want to fuss, this could be a sexy solution!  And imagine the ease of this while you are on a trip.

And that brings me back to the beginning: BB Creams!  BB Creams were originally created in 1960 by a German dermatologist to protect her patient’s skin after surgery. They became very popular in Asia in the 1980’s and finally came to the Western markets the beginning of last year. BB stands for Beauty Balm; an all-in-one serum, moisturizer, primer, foundation. Some have sunblock, skin-brighteners and anti-wrinkle and anti-inflammatory properties. Some are soothing, some have hyalauronic acid and Vitamin C. And both Smashbox and The Body Shop are cruelty-free!

I never realized how many there were to choose from until I saw this wonderful chart! (and I wish I knew who to give credit to.)BB_Cream_Montage I think an ideal one for “women of a certain age” would have a slight pink tint to add a glow to our complexions!  Out of all of these,  I am sure you will find a wonderful new addition, or a new staple, to your beauty routine. I’m going to the drugstore and try the Olay CC cream today! They are perfect for everyday wear, offering less coverage than foundation and optical-brightening so that skin looks even-toned and fresh.  And, isn’t that exactly what sexy is all about?

XODonna

The “eyes” have it!

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“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others.”  Audrey Hepburn

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”  Anonymous

“In your eyes…the light, the heat.”  Peter Gabriel

“The eyes are the window to the soul.”  Anonymous

What I actually want to talk about is your eyebrows. They can ‘make or break’ your whole look!  Foundation, check. Blush, check. Eyeshadow, check.  Mascara, check. And a swipe of lipgloss, or lipstick, to finish it all off.

BUT you forgot your eyebrows! That’s like a fine painting without a frame on it. Yes, seriously! I guess I will have to scare you into seeing how important this is:

Eyebrowsmatter

The most common reason eyebrows are thin at our age is over-zealous “plucking” in our youth. Tweezing too much can result in damage to the follicle, and a lack of regrowth. (Teach your daughters, and grand-daughters, to have their brows done professionally, or have a pro teach them how, so they can do it well for the rest of their lives). As for us, now…since eyebrows do thin with age, we need solutions, and here are a few.

If your brows are thin you can buy a good brow-brush, and a brow powder in a shade very close to your hair color, and apply it in a flattering shape. (See illustration).Eyebrow Proportion If you have trouble, you can learn how online, or ask your hair-stylist, or the esthetician, at your salon to teach you. They should be glad to! 

For those of us with almost no brows at the outer corners, (see below, right) there is also the option of using a topically applied product in order to try to grow back some of our brows. I had a dermatologist tell me that “Latisse,” which is used for eyelashes, has had sucess at growing brows. It isThin brows available by prescription. You can order  “Brow Relonge” online for $80.00. It’s clinically tested, has a money-back guarantee, and a 96% customer satisfaction rating on the site I saw. “Revitabrow” is also available online, costs $110.00, but isn’t clinically-tested and had an 88% customer-satisfaction rating.  According to the Livestrong.org site, topical minoxidil (Rogaine) may improve thinning eyebrows. It effectively stimulates hair regrowth in about 84% of users (according to the ISHRS). Applying a 5% solution to the eyebrow area twice daily may promote eyebrow growth within 12 weeks.

For years now, I have been using brow powder and a brush to shape and fill in my brows…but in 4-5 months I hope to be seeing our esthetician, Jessica, for brow tinting and shaping, along with my lash tinting!  I love that she uses natural, vegetable tints that come in a variety of colors for lashes and brows. (Having the lower lashes tinted makes them stand out beautifully, without risk of smearing or smudging under your eyes…which just isn’t sexy at all!)

 “Here’s looking at you, kid!”

XO Donna

**Jessica Timko works at Bella Salon & Spa, (512) 474-5999